It is a curse
This perfect sunshine
This perfect day
This sparkling wine
This cheese
These crisp green grapes
It is a curse !
These lovely poppies and geraniums
And the flattering peonies
When I remember all the time I lost .

Sleep evades
Tomorrow excites
swollen red capillaries
Hurt my eyes
I do not wish to speak
My love is immense
And I fear that immensity most

Now more reasons to be fearless
your wretched statements
there is no love in anything
just ****** ***
all the more reasons to be a woman
all the more reasons to flaunt my fat **** thighs
my ****** dresses
coquettish smiles
drinks
until you are hanged by the government of India
Until then and more
I am nirbhaya

So much bile
so much poison
I wonder how
you are alive
with these proportions
One can only be a thorn
or a shard
a shard your are
that I can validate
a piercing one at that

everything is a curse
this sunlight
this perfect day
this wine
the cheese
the crisp green grapes
the poppies ,geraniums
and the flattering peony
everything is a curse
when I think of love
when I think of your kiss

I want to get hurt
I want to cry
I want to get hurt again
and again
and again
and I want to cry
I want to cry just because I allowed myself to get hurt
I want to sin, fully knowingly
and I never want to be frozen
or numb

When past comes knocking
I am most aware
to decision taking
and ghosts reappearing
past is always
pink and gold glitter powder
best untouched and
messy in open envelopes