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SC May 2015
My existence can be described
       as the fog of war...
So many unknown places
     in the world
         and my mind.  
People wander in and out,
   yet I see only shadows
        specters - haunting and cold.
Until your essence began to emerge
    and with you came
          clarity in the fog.....
SC May 2015
In the vastness of space
There are stars that choose
to revolve around each other.
We met -
as random as comets passing
our own paths predetermined
unwavering...
or so we thought.
With that first boyish grin
my orbit was revised.
I don't know -
was it my laugh, perhaps my smile?
that drew you in closer
to me.
Maybe it was it gravity,
or magic-
An unknown allurement
that began our
elective affinity?
Call it what you will -
the effect is undeniable...
The energy created between us
filled the air.
pulling us closer...
Coffee?
sure...
Conversation
unending...
your place?
no mine...
You drank whiskey
I prefer wine
You love this song -
        so do I...
Slow dancing ~
melting into a kiss.
Statistical differences
        fade into nothingness....
The warm sensation
of our hands,
      learning the landscape
            of the others body.
Tongues join the exploration.
       Clothes leave the equation.
The energy pulling you
- into me
impossible to resist.
my orbit irrevocably changed -
forever whirling
around
you.
SC May 2015
As a child
my hiding places were simple-
a closet, under a bed
easily found, never lost.
Now my hiding places
are far more complicated.
I can hide in my books....
I find safety in my books -
so many books that bring me joy.
But no longer do they bring
me solace.
I hide in my office
at home and work.
with doors shut no one looks in,
content to allow me to hide
behind the click, click - click of keyboard strokes.
I hide behind my mask,
carefully made up,
painted on smile,
no one peeks behind
- I can hide my life away....
And often I find myself lost.
SC May 2015
If I ran into you today,
I would not have the will power
to resist reaching for your hand.
If you held my hand back
I would move closer for a hug.
If by some stroke of luck
you hugged me back -
I would hold on.
Every second a lifetime.
I would drink in your smell.
I would relish the heat of your body.
I don't think I could resist,
a small kiss on your cheek,
hoping you would turn
ever so slightly so that our lips would brush.
And Oh GOD, if I brushed your lips
I could not stop myself
from greedily tasting the sweetness of your kiss.
I would hold you so tightly,
kiss you so deeply.
While memorizing every sensation.
So that when I am alone at night
I could take refuge in the thoughts
of how badly I long
to have you lying
next to me.
SC May 2015
I bare my soul
stark naked
in the harshest of sunlight
only for you.
I bare my soul
To expose worthless hope
I carry...
I bear my soul -
day in and day out
in a feeble attempt to sustain
the weight of my
scars
mistakes,
unintentional cruelty.
I bare my soul to you
trusting you will endure my
strangeness
eccentricities.
I bear my soul
as a channel
A weight we might share-
for it is all I have to give you.
I bare my soul and pray
you will appreciate
the magnitude of trust -
I have in you.
SC May 2015
When I say I am afraid of dying alone,
I am not asking for those I love
to die with me.
I am voicing my pain.
The pain of waking alone.
The emptiness of each day-
surrounded by so many
connecting with none.
Driving home alone
knowing no one will ask how was my day.
Cooking for one.
The overwhelming sadness
in a kitchen that once held so many.
Now reduced to a weekly call (if I'm lucky).
The dreams of growing old with you
Was a nightmare which was well worth burying.
And the chance of finding love at my age,
is exponentially -
inconceivable
   absurd
       improbable
          dubious.
So when I say I will die alone,
I am referring to my everyday
mundane,
routine.
That is slowing draining the life from me.
SC May 2015
The perfect man for me
may look very plain to you...
However I see him as
tall, handsome, and so very intelligent.
He understands my weirdness-
how I find humor in things that really aren't so funny.
We will talk ... just talk - for hours.
He shares my intellectual curiosity -
such as wanting a working understanding of string theory.
He is strong and forceful -
not to be confused with being a bully.
He picks his battles, and understands when I pick mine.
When I over-react
he understands that is coming from a place of insecurity.
He respects that my experiences have reinforced that insecurity.
He handles it -
usually by saying "What the **** is the matter with you?"
That, for me - not necessarily any other woman,
is a conversation opener.
I know he really wants to know what is going on within me.
I know he cares enough to listen
to really hear
my pain.
He will dance,
maybe not so well but willing to give it his all.
He can laugh at the fact that he doesn't
dance so very well -  
that makes me so proud to be
the one whose feet he is stepping on.
He will love the beach, long walks, marathon NetFlicks
and my dogs, all three.
He will not be threatened by the love I have
for my sons.
He will respect that when it comes to my children-
I am a lioness.
I will protect them at all costs
while being 100% loyal to him.
He will listen to my opinion.
He will be strong enough to challenge my opinions-
He will tell me when I am wrong
and appreciate when I do the same for him.
Every night he will hold me until I fall asleep
the rhythmic breathing while he sleeps
fills me with a sense of belonging,
He will make me feel safe enough to love
and feel secure enough
to be loved.
Importantly - I will cherish
every moment with him-
and appreciate that
I am lucky enough to be
the one he loves.
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