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As I lay in bed
I think about you
I want to paint pictures on your back
Maybe a lilac sky
because
you always loved colors that sounded so different
Different like you
You are the sweet different kiss
Like the ones you get on the forehead from your dad as a little girl
A comfortable type of intimacy
You and me
One that makes you feel home again
I’m home again
With you
Why won't you come home?
I don’t want to put chains around your wrists
Attaching yourself to me
Because having stability in your stay will never give me the same stability as knowing
you want to
I see everything so much differently now that you’re gone. The wind has a sadness to it and the rain pours heavier. The world was perfect when I was with you, I saw everything so beautifully, The flowers bloomed in your very existence. And the clouds went in hiding and the sun came out when you smiled. When it was 50 degrees out just having you squeeze my hand made the weather change immediately, it then became a warm Friday morning in the middle of summer, even though we were smack in the middle of winter. Everything felt right when I was with you. Even when it wasn’t. Even when you caused tornadoes in my head, I convinced myself it was just a harsh breeze and soon we’d be back to playing under the sun. I was in the eye of the storm and didn't even realize it. And even now, when I see the chaos you created I'm still blinded by your beauty because you made my heart beat and stop with the blink of an eye. I. still. love. you.
Right in front of my eyes
I see you slipping away
As if i have butter on my fingers and I am holding onto you
And there I sit and hope to god the butter will turn to glue
As if that would be a tell tale sign from the universe
Telling you to stay
They say when you are in a panicked state of mind you have to center yourself into the room in order to calm down
You were there one night
As my wildest emotions overrode me
You told me to count to 5 and it would all be over
Everything would be okay
1, 2, 3, 4... 5
It passed, those five seconds
They just
Passed
I began to use this method whenever I'd begin to go into an emotional frenzy
1, 2, 3, 4... 5
Things began to pass and I became to realize nothing could be bad forever
Especially after the countdown
Days passed between the two of us and things did not seem the same
As we sat in your car arguing about the little things
You said the words
"it's over, get out of my car"
I sat there
Shocked, panicked, so flooded with fear
So I began to count
1
you yelled at me, "STOP" you said
2
you wouldn't stop screaming "I'm done with this, I can't anymore"
3
you stopped screaming and began to pick up my purse and jacket to hand to me dismissing me from your car
4
you said "this will not pass"
5
it didn't
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