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Ransom'sTake01 Nov 2016
Yes, I see my pride.
Yes, I glimpse the light.
I thought I lost this feel inside.
This whole day's had my head in the night.
This realization brings me to ears, the tears bring me to my knees.
Don't mind my crying, I am only healing, but hug me if you please.
Not as strong I was, I see that by what I've been lately.
My late accomplishments have been more than doubtful, in my mind they've been shaky.
This is about more than just today,
there's still more for me to say.
More for me to sit down give in a chance to pray.
I no longer hear the silence, but these thoughts put me in the dark.
I know realize I'm broken, and broken to my heart.
My mind, it chokes on the thoughts of my feelings.
I think that I'm bleeding,
poison it seething,
through my veins,
through my brain.
It's my intentions that are stained.
Except it creates my memories black and white, the color has escaped.
Don't get me wrong, I know the wrong is mine.
It's bittersweet, the taste is strong and it is fine.
Cuts my heart like a knife, slays my will like a sword.
Takes me to the edge of what I don't know anymore.
Then the light, it shows.
And my pain of wrong, it grows.
Shattered, no longer together.
Never again forever.
Ransom'sTake01 Nov 2016
Emotionally secure, not that's a hitting question,
one that I tend to be in bed second guessing.
Still so much is happening, and any end I see none.
Don't matter whether in the sky it's the moon and stars, or sun.
I've been sleeping lately, yes, with the most disturbing dreams,
Mainly of a disturbing context, really the most natural things.
Just cause this is not a house, that's not what makes it not a home.
It's the fact of what I fear most here is being not alone.
Maybe I just gave this to myself. Maybe I knew what the goal is.
Right there on my shelf, just me who didn't notice.
All I know now is that the future is unsafe in this environment.
Perhaps it's everyone temperament, will this ever be different?
I can go out easily and escape without anyone to know,
but then once I start interacting it's all a social show.
Maybe say they want to feel my pain, but the question never comes up.
This world is just too busy, everyone seems to have enough sorrow in their cup.
Yes I keep on playing this life as it's a playground,
going through these mood swings, watch everything slide down.
The fact's just I need help, I need to know someone's with me.
I've had too many people already bound to forget me.
Ransom'sTake01 Nov 2016
I stand this pain so long,
from the dusk of day all the way through past the rise of dawn.
Sometimes look out in empty distance wondering if I shall go on.
I've been so long walking past the pain,
but that that don't change how it's a burden all the same.
Not even worrying about faded dreams of fortune and of fame.
The dark does not only come at night, it lingers in my head.
Pummels my spirit so thoroughly and leaving it to dread.
These thoughts come to my mind, they come from my heart.
It takes my memories and uses feeling that pick and pulls apart.
Remember where this point is is somewhere between heaven and those left for dead.
Because like I said, the dark lingers and the thoughts all come in from my head.
Ransom'sTake01 Nov 2016
I remember meeting you when the world knew you were sane.
Before life tried to finish you in it's game.
Then before my eyes everything around became so distant.
No matter how hard I tried or to who I listened.
It wasn't over after that, me looking at your photos of after you turned black.
Maybe pity got me to mix up my feelings.
Another conflict in my mind, another thing I was dealing.
Then, again you were distant, more I imagined possible.
The reality of you moving beyond everything in my mind was unstoppable.
And so, I just hoped you gained peace.
Didn't matter in my mind whether or not you thought of me.
Not gonna lie, in that time I misjudged you.
You were moving on but better than I knew.
Won't forget seeing you at the fair.
Memories of previously how you hugged me came back then and there.
I was glad to see and again hear from you.
And that thought of you in my head became again a better view.
Ransom'sTake01 Nov 2016
Under the pressure I'm broken,
my failures are all self spoken.
In case you don't notice, I am waiting to die.
So just let me wave to you, let me say goodbye.
I've taken the pain and I've take the hurt.
All of my share and more, more than I thought to deserve.
I'll hand it right to you, you only made this harder.
You made my problems and burdens and hurting just that much larger.
If it's life I refuse, than death's what I've chosen.
So please respect my wishes as one of the broken.
Or stop me right now, make this moment worth living.
Somehow make this mountain worth the walking, this ocean worth swimming.
Ransom'sTake01 Nov 2016
I hear the screaming and this time it's not from within.
But that does not exclude the demon's trying to break me in.
There are tears in here, but they're not mine at least not for now.
I need to go outside, nothing's alright. I need to shut you out.
I see the pain so clearly cause it's all I used to feel.
I see you kick, I see you shout, but I'll no longer kneel.
Now I think I'm used to it, this has happened too much before.
I will be fine, I'll be alright. This I will now ignore.
This was their advice for so long, I'm just now following it through.
Just don't forget years from now that the cause of this partly all of you.
I feel like I've walked alone since there's no one with me here now,
and I've done this before with another approach, not one that bleeds me out.
This started as I was born and I'm afraid this will never end.
I guess that's fate, my destiny, otherwise I cannot pretend.
Reach my mind, hear my thoughts, then try not to scream aloud.
I'll tell you my memories of all my life, but please don't tear me down.
Ransom'sTake01 Nov 2016
I've been silent to let you speak now all I put to myself is noise,
it's not surprising to me that I got tired of your voice.
Your screaming got way too extra and it needs to be cut out.
So I put myself to where all I hear would be tasteful scream and shout.
By now I've given up on you,
because there's nothing else I can see to do.
You put this on yourself as well everyone around you.
And soon the burden will drown, don't forget your ego will too.
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