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Pudge Dec 2021
there's a pain that echoes
the kind that gets reiterated every time
the fallen angel traces where his wings used to be
what was beauty incarnate is now
an abhorrent malignant stump

he still finds traces of memories he had
of the allfather in places of worship
when he closes his eyes he swears
like he was back Home
basking in his Presence
a certain warmth passes through him
enlightenment that every single
thing he's done lead him to this moment
and he's exactly where he was meant to be

but then his eyes open

and the feeling of warmth subsides
replaced by the howling silence
the gaping god shaped hole inside him
opens up and swallows him whole

caressing a nearby marble figure
"if only we were as perfect
as you painted us out to be"
he murmurs under his breath
as he steps back outside
the hell he calls life
Pudge Apr 2016
picture perfect, sadly, doesn't translate into emotions. paperweight relationships usually die with the threat of emitting a spark. we are the people who were raised not to tame the flames inside us. this is the only way we know how to love. it's either we both go down this rabbit hole or you can sit your *** down in Kansas, Dorothy. there is no in between, we either  entangle ourselves in this folie à deux or nothing at all. sad to say you'll never know how brutal honest lust feels like. how these muffled moans sound like unwritten gospels. how these jaw clenching sighs are the only prayers that cannot be held back by the ceiling. I'd always choose primal over prim and proper. if it's anything short than honest, consider it fake. life is too short to spend it people who are half measures.
Pudge Nov 2015
we both knew
that this was going to hurt
sooner or later
so stop crying
this love is a wound
that we kept on pretending,
kept lying to ourselves
was a battle scar
for a war
we've never even fought

I'll pack my bags
and stitch my wounds
so please, at least
have the decency
to tell me you didn't
really love me

at least, give me
a reason to sleep
after I've cried
rivers out of my eyes

lie for me
one last time
for old times sake
pretty please?
Pudge Nov 2015
I'd rather be stuck in a literal maze,
at least then I'll be able to see the walls.
Pudge Nov 2015
i
these are the luxuries money can't buy
these are the smiles clowns can't fake
these are the places cars can't reach
this is the kind of happiness death can't take
Pudge Oct 2015
...
you are eighteen and struggling to know who you really are.
the friends that you keep close make you feel so worthless
but at least you aren't lonely,
or at least that's what you tell yourself.

you think about how things were so different a year ago
and how things quickly fell apart.
two dimensional friends come and go
you don't even have the strength to care anymore.

so you write down all the things real enough to say
but not enough courage to say it.
that's the thing about art, it's still beautiful
even though it may be broken and misunderstood.
Pudge Oct 2015
#
remember that night you told me
that you loved me
and I said "prove it,"
so you took the cigarette off my lips
and said "I'm the only vice you need."
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