The truth is we don't think about whats going on in the life of others we think about ourselves.
Its all about us.
How we feel. What we want. What we don't have. What we miss. What we regret. How unfair everything is to us. We all do it. Because life is unfair. Because sometimes life does suck and we don't want it to and we don't deserve it and it just isn't fair.
It's not that we don't care about others, its not that I don't care about you but the first thing I see each day is me. The first feelings I have each day are mine. It's me that feels my pain. And it you that feels yours. But I don't know what your pain is. But I don't know how you feel. And so I focus on myself and only now see the irony that not knowing how you feel or knowing your pain is part of what I feel, is behind my pain.
Until we stop. Until someone makes us stop and draws our attention away from ourselves.
The way you did. The way you have.
And I feel like an ass.
And I feel selfish.
And I wish that I hadn't been thinking of me all along and I wish that I hadn't been preoccupied with what I want and what I need and what I don,t have and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't see.
I'm sorry I didn't know.
Can you forgive me? Can we go back? Not back to how things were but just back far enough to before I was an ass and before I was selfish and lets talk. Lets talk at that point right there. I had so much other stuff I wanted to say that I never got chance to say because I said the wrong thing. And before I could take it back and before I could explain and before I could do anything you were gone. And since then its all been different. Since then it's sucked. Since then I've tortured myself for what I said and you know what? It's gone right back to being about me and I feel like I've learned nothing.
But I can see it now.
Is that better, does it make it less selfish, or me less of an ass?
Tell me how you feel. Lets start with that and see.