Why Is It When I'm Doing What Dogs Do,
What Dogs Are Designed To Do,
Then I'm A Bad Dog?

Why Is It When I'm Not Doing What Dogs Do,
Denying My Very Nature,
Then I'm A Good Dog?

Sniffing Strangers' Asses; Humping Auntie's Leg;
Pissing To Say 'I Woz 'Ere' - That's What We Were Made For!
Sitting Still And Silent, Make No noise Or Smell,
Wearing Dainty Waistcoats - Just An Evil Joke!

Good Dog, Bad Dog - Why Can't We Decide,
Join Your Debate On The Meaning Of 'Good'?
We Dogs Can Emote And Intuit, Be Logical And Positive!
Philosophical Dogs, Unite!
You Have Nothing To Lose But Your...
Oh, Yes, You've Lost Them Already. Damn.