perhaps,
I have just a
little bit
too
much
to live
for

have to much
stuff,
too many
friends,
plenty of
family
that actually
cares about
me

but I have this,

sneaking
suspicion

that it’s
not good
for
me

when I have all this
stuff
to do the living for
when do I have time
to live for myself?

why should I even
live for myself?

I, myself.
am not the
most important
thing that
depends on
me



if I died,
it wouldn’t be
who lost the
most

it would be my friends
it would be my family
it would be the theatre
it would be literature
it would be my society
it would be my country
it would be the world

because once I’m
dead
I can’t lose anything
more

but I’m not dead,
and I’m not dying
so why think of
these things?

because I fear death
because I fear my own mind
because I fear what living
for others has done to me
after all these years

when everything
I have to live for
is gone (as it will be,
one day) will I go
on?

and as long as I don’t have
an answer, this question will
haunt me still