If I could force myself awake,
I would banish this feeling.
I cannot decipher what it is.
Is it fear, relief, regret?
I cannot sleep this way,
I cannot sleep.
And so I force myself to wake.
To the left of me is nothing but sheets
and to the right is the edge of the bed.
I swear, when I fell into this dream
you were falling right beside me.
I should force myself to wake again
and find the folds in your tired face.
Awoken twice, I find you in my arms
but it seems to be you cease to love me.
I can see it.
It's alive in those lifeless eyes.
As my arms turn slowly to stone
and your eyes follow quickly,
I force myself back into reality.
The third time is a charm.
I feel your breath soft beside me
but your face, I cannot see.
I beg the lamp to shed some light
but in this room there is only night.
I know this is far from real.
The morning sun has touched me
and this bed is left a mess.
I dreamed that first I was unsure
and second that you were gone.
I dreamt again that you did not love me
and once more that I couldn't see.
This time, I can't feel a thing.
I wish to arise one more time
and find your lips pressed to mine.
To find such bliss back in my bones
would be such a miracle.
I cannot wake from this tragedy
unless I take a break to dream.
Is this limbo? Is this heaven?
I don't know even know what's real anymore.
...just that I miss you.