i look outside
at the green murky water
that fills
my in-ground pool
and i remember the day
i tried to clean it
but i was too small
and weak
and the heat was too much
so i quit halfway through

and now leaves drift
slowly to their watery graves
among moles, spiders, and frogs
who foolishly yearned
to take a refreshing dip
from which they never returned

the reflection of the blue
october sky and
sparse leaves
is beautiful and heart breaking
and i half expect
corpses to
float to the surface
and beckon me below
with their waterlogged
finger tips
and broken tooth smiles

i picture myself,
toes on the edge of the diving board,
ready to take the leap

i'll swan dive in
and sink to the bottom
and broken bodies
will hold me
as i learn to say goodbye