adorned in my own childhood memories, the rot and laughter
I lay there moist and in no obedience when it came to distraught thoughts
I wanted to feel something that burned the way I did
so I lay naked upon this lava
and without dying I feel its fiery mind
I enjoy its inextinguishable kind

I wanted to die slowly the way beautiful natural things died slowly
so I went to the garden and
picked the most intriguing flowers my eyes could find
I cut their stems
then I cut open my wrists and my spine
I lay on the earth and watched the time
I lay there and peacefully  cried
how seconds turned into hours, and I lay there slowly
with those flowers and together we died
my smell fell into the universe
my coffin slowly decayed
laying there completely lifeless under the suns shade
and when I awoke from that death
I was no longer afraid

yet there are things that I still cant reach
yet there are times I still dont know how to speak
I remember how you left a streak of light behind the smallest of movements and I fall weak


so I go into the ocean and I hold my breath
I want to be here forever,
even if that means
death