I remember the days when you wanted to die
When your face was on the verge of cloudbursting
Into such a storm
I could feel the traffic jam of the sound in my own throat
Creeping up to tell you I love you

But the words dragged too slow
And I gagged
And vomited in my mouth
Swallowing all the words that should have come out

I know you stained that razor red
And I know rope burn scars when I see them
And I should have known that the safety was off
On that loaded gun I never realized was
So much determination

If I had known
I would have held your hand
And fallen with you
In the same way I fell in love with you

Split second to pavement
Split hairs over who died the longest
Because
I am still here

In the split second between the moment
You laughed at something disgusting I said
And then kissed me for no reason
I knew how this was going to end