i wonder how long it will take me to
realize that you
don't care.
priding myself on these accomplishments,
hiding their emptiness from even me.
i speak up when you come around
hoping the false cheer in my voice catches
your ear, and the sick spring in my step
makes you miss me.

i will kill myself convincing those who walk
past that we are but strangers in a
common place;
strangers who have slept together but have
never known each other.
it takes all the wind in my lungs not to
look when you walk by,
but i don't want to see you not
seeing me
so that makes it easy
if you can count that as easy.

deep down, my bones want you to return,
my flesh begs you to come home
like you have been away at sea.
my heart sits on the edge of a fence,
and
my brain is doing its best
to convert them.