Once upon a time, not so very long ago
A girl met a boy, Prince and Princess you should know
Eye contact sparked true love as white doves cooed
Born at first sight, then with rose and champagne wooed
Twas on their wedding night, as these lovers lay entwined
Great tension filled the air as a presence loomed behind
With a judder and a shout the mortal deed was done
Life’s sweet release as two had become one

The blood had not yet thickened, on this passion-crime most foul
When in flew the great detective, to the widow, like an owl
With his trusty sidekick flapping at his flank
From the tearful pillow-talk, the suspects they did rank
Could it have been her dealer, or else her vengeful pimp?
A calculating hitman, the Godfather with a limp?
They scoured the scene for clues, caught the scent, the tell-tale trace
Leaving but a cloud of pipe-smoke, our duo then gave chase

They followed the trail that led from the door
Hot on the tail, nose to the floor
They rushed and they dashed and they searched as they ran
When suddenly… Cold was the hunt for their man
As they found themselves back in their office of glass
Deerstalker removed in shrug head-scratch impasse
So together they returned to counsel the wife
Where the villain’s unveiled by cold logic’s knife

“You!” Points the detective, to his partner outcast
Jealous ex-lover revealed who’s stuck in the past
Backlit by lightening and terrible thunder
The Prince rose from the dead and ripped them asunder
Accused and accuser, dismembered and slain
As he turned to his lover, and reached for her brain
Dripping with gore from the hole in his head
It was all she could do to flee from the undead

She rushed and she dashed and she screamed as she ran
Her bosom was heaving as she dodged the dead man
Through thickets and copses and trees thick with elves
The chase slowed, and it stopped… It was not just themselves
Surrounded by lanterns, cruel eyes and curved blades
As trolls, orks and goblins crept into the glade
They were faced-off by pixies and nymphs from the pond
And a fawn-riding wizard wielding a wand

Then suddenly white light blinded their eyes
As grey men in a saucer appeared from the skies
Teleporting these specimens for further study
Erasing the rest, leaving three standing muddy
The wizard was taken, wand swapped for a probe
Science trumped magic with a flap of the robe
Turned from zombie to Prince to telepathic laughter
It was all in their heads, as they lived happily ever after