I decided I would kill myself the night I was coming down from a high dose of adderall and my boyfriend was dead asleep
It was the bitter realization that this too was a pitiful reflection of my life and how it would always be. Me, regardless of how "fulfilled" or surrounded by people that exceeded the expectations of check lists, your mother slowly marked off as conversation droned on the first time you took your bow home to meet the parent(s).
You will always be entirely alone.
Nothing is ever going to amount to anything, because we as a whole are an anthill that is doomed to be knocked over by the first grader with the light up sneakers.
We are all a conglomerate waste of living organisms which seek to destroy as much as "humanly possible.."
In the end there is nothing good that will come but the inevitable death that is bound to follow.
None of us are important.
None of us are significant.
We came here alone, and will leave as an even lonelier/petrified version of ourselves.
Me personally, I would like it to be homicide. Something of the Black Dahlia sort.
You see, nothing is more praised in this pitiful existence than a young pretty girl with her body found entirely sawed into two halves.
I don't think it bothers me anymore, the idea of being alone.
I don't feel the disappointment anymore. I don't allow myself to get my hopes up -- because I know that nothing ever comes of that.
I think I just wish that I lived a different life
Perhaps taking up a different life form, altogether.
I would like to be something as meaningless as the human race.
Perhaps an ant. I've always had the desire to build monuments and watch them be torn down in a matter of seconds.
I just want to create something
and then destroy it, because it was beautiful and I am not worthy.