When ?

A vacant gaze my recent reflection in an embrace that seems more like a courtesy than affection ,
My insides an arid well , spent,
are the wishes and dreams
Leaving only the stone walls and empty echoes
Of a heart that still beats her name.
Her mind somehow made up,
No longer is it only me that that she wants , and in my heart , I never was ,
Seems like now , all the excuses she used to find a way to talk to me , are now the excuses not to.
She says she doesn't know what the future holds , to me it isn't a future without her to hold.
Always just a part of her life , but never part of " our " life apart.
When did I stop being special ?
When did loyalty , trustworthiness, and respect become something toxic in a relationship ?
Maybe when I expected the same?
We danced together to music in our minds , tied together in a kindred spirits gala.
Drawn to her all my life
Now
My compass , always with her pointed north
As hopeless as a lighthouse in the fog
My tears ?
So many a night lost in a confusion ,
Rejected was my overwhelming affection , and just the plain willingness to " do " for her.
She wanted a friend with benefits, I wanted the benefit of being in love with my best friend.
When did love become so underrated, when did my affection stop being appreciated ?
When did my love stop being returned ?
I drink my tears , from the cup of my broken heart , as I notice the love " gone " from her gaze , and I keep asking myself
" when " ??????