1. I've known for a while now,
but putting words to feelings
is one thing, whereas saying
those words is quite another.
2. You said it one of the first
times I made you come. You
didn't mean it, and I laughed.
3. I looked at you while
we watched Willy
Wonka in your dad's favorite
chair, and I knew.
4. I tried to tell you after Thanksgiving,
but it just made me want to cry. I
turned away; I don't think you saw.
5. When I said goodbye to
my mom on the phone and
said it habitually, I thought
I saw you smiling.
6. You left a poem in one of my
notebooks, and wrote it in morse
code for me to figure out. A little
piece of my heart flew away; I haven't
seen it since.
7. Your drunk best friend casually
said you did, assuming you'd
already told me. You gave him
a look, and I laughed.
8. I spit it out in the middle
of the night, after weeks of choking
on it, and you squeezed my hand
and mumbled. The next morning, you
brought it up and I said "well, just
so you know!" and we laughed.
9. It's 4am and I can't get it out of my head.
10. "I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
but I'm so fucking scared."