an ode to honors english class
by evatongali
today in english class,
with my bare legs clenched and crossed almost as tight as I close my eyes when i see you,
i forgot how to breathe all over again,
you picked the part of Brutus while reading Julius Caesar,
the honorable, noble man,
looking me into the eyes like you did when you used to grab my throat,
and then the topic of manipulation came up,
you see, my teacher asked if anyone had gotten away with lying to someone to get another to comply,
you laughed instantly, saying
“i can get anyone to do anything,
i get whatever i want,”
seeing you everyday was hard enough,
you,
my abuser,
my rapist,
we were best friends once, before you saw my body as your own,
and i know i am not allowed to complain,
it was my fault,
you did nothing wrong,
i am the reason you act like this i made you like this,
Brutus kills Julius Caesar, a man he loved and was brothers with.
i wonder if you would kill me out of love like that as well,
but then i remember,
you didn’t have the decency enough to love me.