I've manned the Christmas Kettle
Every year for twenty seasons
I don't tell people why I do it,
But, you know I have my reasons

It's makes me feel so special
Doing something that's just right
I man it from round 5 till 12
And almost every night

It gets cold out there ringing
My bell, for all to hear
I do it for my charity
One I hold so dear

Each year I've been out hustling
Getting more each year than last
I don't know how long I'll keep it up
The time's gone by so fast

I don't do lights at home at all
I do not have a tree
But I'm out there with my kettle
Ringing loud where folks can see

This year it was amazing
I brought in much more than before
I changed where I was ringing
I was not out by a store

The folks at where I donate
couldn't believe how much I got
In fact they got rid of my kettle
And gave me a large ***

It's the most they've ever had brought in
By any volunteer
I know it will be hard to beat
But, I'll try again next year

I'll tell you how I did it
I didn't use a gun or knives
I just rang my bell outside a strip bar
And told the men I'd tell their wives

Seems to work a treat for  me
I keep their secret and don't tell
And they pay me off in fifties
I just stand and ring my bell.