How do I begin to explain that I cry when I hear your name if I never want you to feel sorry?
How do I speak of the horrible things I wish had been done to me back when I was at my worst?
I can remember choking on sobs and bleeding on all my pretty white clothes
But I can never remember the way it feels to be loved.
Maybe I never really was loved, though it seemed that way he left and only memories remain.
And I don't miss him but I ******* miss the warmth and comfort he provided when I was at my breaking point.
I don't know how to not feel guilty about wanting to die and maybe it's a good thing because maybe it'll keep me alive
But I cry myself to sleep some nights and I can't remember a time when I felt alright.
And though I feel numb I'll bite my tongue because I don't want you to feel bad,
You can't control your emotions and it's not your fault that I can't remember being anything but sad.

It's nobody's fault.