Sometimes I have to lie to my mind in order to get some sleep at night

I am not proud of this

Sometimes I have to shut down everyone around me in order to temporarily forget about the anger I keep shut inside me

I am not proud of this

Sometimes I have to run so hard in order to make myself feel pain caused by myself for a change instead of others

I am not proud of this

Sometimes I open my heart so wide but always end up stitching it back up again in order to mend the broken thought that I can’t fully feel connected to anyone

I am not proud of this

Sometimes I let other people’s voices wash over my own in order to make them happy

I am not proud of this
Sometimes I allow myself to get taken advantage of, as if the chances I reluctantly keep giving out will make a person change their selfish ways

I am not proud of this

The word “*****” hangs over my head lit up with fluorescent lights flashing wildly
Sometimes I can’t find any power in myself to curl my lips into a sly smile, I just can’t do it

Some days I am weak, moody and impenitent 
I can’t deal with anyone’s **** let alone my own
The need to be alone is conspicuous and demanding, beating me up to the point where I may just concede
I have to make friends with myself again, I just need some respectful space in order to do so