In the woeful weary aftermath
of you and I combined
after binary and
misery and renewing bad habits
like nailbiting and fretting allnight,
there is only the scrape
of a briefly-stolen snowshovel against ice.
Attest to inane activities,
the broken English grammar.
Undignified are we, you and me.
Sorted are we, you and me.
Soul-sifter and shape-shifter.
Priorities askew, they say,
knowingly, knowing me.
We will be okay.
i. When my skin is clinging to yours,
the valley between your shoulders is where I want to find a home.
that you are more than I can give you,
but I will always try.
I may cry, but mostly I'll be very quiet
and can never tell you why.
Sometimes my grip will slip.
I will try to hold you and falter,
but I'll re-attempt as long as you'll let me.
Sometimes someways I'll run away
because I've made myself a runner but
Love, know that I'll always come back.
Please let me watch you grow old.
I'll do things with you that scare me.
Be the heartbeat that guides my steps; I'll be that for you.
One day, our pulses will find a mean.
ii. iloveyou and it means
the churning organ within my skull is mine.
the words grow strongerstrangerfaster simpler.
i would rather be crushed than smother you.
you are the meeting of elbows and knees andandand
and, sadly, that
i've liedandlied and lied to those
on whom i wouldnotcouldnot rely.
that i've reached my destination alone
& mostly intact,
and that it's time for a new journey.
iii. To me, you are love in skin and sweat and teeth and warmth.
You are love in chill and fire and storm.
Toxic & intoxicating with potential.
You are the gasp of a lighter
preceding its purpose.
iv. I know things.
I know you.
Somehow, I know you.
I knew the rhythm of your breathing
before it lulled me to sleep in your arms.
I knew your heartbeat before we kissed.
You are a simple man with simple desires.
You've told me these things in the dark,
and I am distrustful because
nothing that is can be simple
except for you&I;,
and it is good.
v. Fuse with me and form a sea.
Stake claim to my heart.
Merge bodies with me.
Bodies of water should sing water songs.
We will succumb to our sirens
and hope between waves
that the next
for the perennial one who's here to stay.
Three hands around my wrists.
My arm can break three ways, I say,
and they laughing say yes, three,
but your breath can catch a million times and
for a thousand reasons.
They whisper my name in the night and
push me down by the neck, and dust is
floating carelessly through these shrinking airways.
Hair tangles in their hands.
I cannot extricate myself from these men
biting at my knees like a cement floor.
Too full of emptying to call for help,
too close to hell in heat.
SHE ALWAYS KEPT HER PILLS CHILDSAFE CAPPED & CUPBOARDED TILL THEY FOUND A BOTTLE OPEN ON THE TILES. THEY FOUND HER ARM STABBING THROUGH THE CURTAIN. THEY FOUND THAT HER ICE LIPS DID NOT TWITCH. SO THEY CARRIED GREY OUT SKINTIGHT TO BONE & THEY BURIED GREY DEEP WITH HER SAD. SHARED IN BINARY TO STRANGE. SHARED IN STRAIGHT BY ENVIOUS ANONYMITY. SHE CARVED HER ANKLEBONE WITH THREE LONELY LINES. SHE CARVED HER CAVED SKULL WITH SHAM & SHAME. SHE SHADOWED GREY EYES & PINKED GREY LIPS & WALKED FURTIVELY ON FEET THAT SHE HATED TO GO WHERE SHE WAS UNWANTED. GREY SILENCE. ASHED CLOUDS. STONE CROSSES. ROTTING PETALS. BLOODLESS COLD FEET.