A Stoned World Order    1996 -    
"The way your heart beats
makes all the difference
In learning to live"
"The way your heart beats
makes all the difference
In learning to live"
5 hours ago

I'm a part of this world, as much as I run from it
Lost in sounds of night I gaze into through smoke
I dance with its silence,
through noise I cower
& I curse the blessed time in which I awoke

I run
In thoughts, dreams & lies
Shaded beneath these mud splattered skies
I fly with the clouds
Aware that I'll fall
But if I'm never down, does it mean
That I live at all...?

I drown
In these waters clear
I rise knowing that I'll disappear
I fade in this sun
Dying 'til I'm bare
But that's when I'm alive the most
These laughs are now my prayer

& I'll die
In this world of pain
But I'll lick the joy off of every stain
I will die smiling
Waiting for the fall
If I'm never defeated; maybe
I never lived at all


  1d  NB
Feb 12


I dreamt of you before I met you

of pale white skin and thick full thighs

I dreamt of blue trapped in your eyes

and lost control around the curve

your lips would draw into a smile

the subtle laugh I much admired

that make me wish I could preserve

my dreams of you before I met you.


“Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly.”
― Langston Hughes
1 day ago

I've found the key on the Suicide Road
As you stared at the skies, I carried the load
There were two paths & one led to nowhere
When I fell, I saw you slowly walking there

This life itself is now my shrine
This body is my heaven stained
I lost myself when you were mine
But now these restless hands aren't chained

'cause I'm more real than any god you trust
I'm the shadow of unrest, made from dust
I'm Sisyphus, forever in love with the weight
The anguish that you'll never orchestrate

& this world itself is my shrine
This soul is what I made alone
This silence is a song of mine
This distance is my sacred throne

'cause I'm the glimpse of every waking doubt
The one you'll never live without
Bitter revenge subliminal
I'm Christ with the face of a criminal

& I'm all that could ever remain
A sacrifice for your ghost of Cain
But this time, you'll be haunted by
The shades you could not pacify

I've found the key, though it wasn't lost
In your self imposed holocaust
I've come to praise all I could be
I've come to know that I found – ME


3 days ago

I've lived once on the edge of dawn
Where blue skies unborn turn & weep
Forever I stayed there alone
Just praying you would let me sleep

Beyond the mist where words resound
To remind of what we once had
A heart's now buried in the ground
One of us dying, the other dead

In dreams, we seemed to be much more
Without a reason to awake
But everything we've had before
Is steps we never dared to make

Old paths unclear, new never paved
A kingdom lost in winters deep
For all the dreams I've ever saved
I'd ask you just to let me sleep

In my own cell, without a sky
Condemned to feel no love, no touch
& I won't even ask you why
But I'll still feel I've asked too much

Another late night, weird burst of inspiration
3 days ago

I am the light
The light is mine
A thousand faces with no shine

Where darkness breaks
All that is true
I've found one light, it's made of you

On pages lost
Through words forlorn
Among the pure stars you were born

In endless glow
Of a bright dome
You've found the road, once torn from home

Road made of gleam
Not dust, wrong turns
Or rooms of unwanted returns

Made of hot suns
Whispering rains
& satellites as passing trains

I was the light
& you were mine
Yet it seems this time we won't shine


  3d  NB
Shawna Michele
Shawna Michele
3 days ago

The water washed a man ashore
on the hot sand midday
where the children go to play
their game of hunger in the sun

His mouth hung half open
exposing a single silver tooth
below two wild eyes reflecting
still-life like two glossed mirrors

like the globe the local gypsies used
to call up distant fortunes

From a pockets depth
one of the children fledged
the handle of a knife, wedging loose
the metal from its fleshy burrow

And the lightkeepers daughter
stood in shock along the side
as still as Den Lille Havfrue
transfixed on the mans eyes

Above the seagulls cried
as sea life spilled
from his womb-like tomb

as chipped shells fell
from her bloodied palms
to wend toward the salted ocean

swept back out to sea.

3 days ago

[Chapter I – Project Eden]


You'll find me where the silence dwells
Just close your eyes & say goodnight
Of all roads leading somewhere else
I know the one that's burning bright
But will I let you find it?

So you'd rest in dewdrops of a broken morn
Beneath golden leaves of summers late
Will you find the one where you were born
A silent age that you await

Should I let you find that which is me
An image of justice, the keeper of pain
Down the road you made to be free
When all your tears were lost in the rain

Could I let you find it, if you tried
To cut the glimpse of new despair
When ghosts of your romanticide
Corrupt every word in your prayer

Must I let you find the other side of Eden
& would you get lost on the path beyond
In a silent garden of life for the heathen
Where no one has stayed to sever the bond

Am I allowed to let you find it yet
A world made for those who die young
Before you have learned how to forget
The drop of bitter taste on the angel's tongue

[Chapter II – Necropolis]


Silence is the lack of sound
& a sound itself
A message from no one
To no one
Drifting nowhere
& death is like silence
That no one hears
The weight of the world
Made for no one
To bear

Darkness is a place for life
A place for itself
For broken mirrors
That don't reflect a thing
Then, death must be darkness
To all those who stay
& watch the other side
From a broken fountain of spring

This spirit is a lack of life
& a life for itself
A history drifting
Between the ground
& wherever the stars die
This spirit once was me
But now it's a shadow
A faded hue
In a deadly sunset sky

[Chapter III – Inner Self of the System]


I've dreamt of the kiss of seasons
The pain of ecstasy
In this room where silent shades
Told me what to be
I've dreamt of uneasy half-light
A mute concert hall
I've learned that we don't have to rise
If we're about to fall

I've dreamt of a flower fading
In waters unstained
Carried to the silent shoreline
Its petals enchained
I've dreamt that I was someone else
Near the other side
Until a loud scream awoke me

[Baron Reinholx]:

Access Denied!

I am all the silence you found
In self-imposed void
The darkness you slowly painted
The light you destroyed

From every aching breath you take
To my shattered skies
Through ashes of a better world
In pain, I arise

I'm the voice to those who believe
Noise for all the lost
The son of shadows you swallowed
Covering the cost


The dawn called for me, old tunes it played
But this hollow night feels it cannot pass
Everything has faded 'neath its hovering shade
As its sounds cut my wrist
Like pieces of shattered glass

[Dream Maker]:

I wrote my dreams on your pale hands
Invisible to those who defied our fate
In a tale of fear & madness
Misplaced means & ends
The life we saw was only that which we create


She called for me, in the morning mist
With a gasp for life, strained from confusion
Asking whether I could ever exist
But to others, only she seemed
Like my heart's undying illusion

[Dream Maker]:

I wrote my dreams on her lone, gentle heart
& then awoke in your world, to remind
That beyond that space, devoid of art
Her soul, so long waiting
Is the one you were made to find

[Baron Reinholx]:
There's nothing behind...

[Dream Maker]:
His stern silhouette...

Just a world made for you...
But you're not ready yet...

I have found myself wishing...

[Baron Reinholx]:
For the anguish of fall...

[Dream Maker]:
In this world that you know...

[Baron Reinholx/God]:
There is nothing at all

But if I choose to stay...
Then I should fail no more...

Then, I'll lead you beyond
To find those you adore

But before I find you
In your great, summer land
I must find myself first

[Dream Maker]:
Come with me, take my hand...

[Chapter IV – Room of Pain]


Only in fear did I pick up the pen
Afraid that this place won't let me leave
The moment I found it in my dreams again
& there was nothing left to believe

& only then did I reach the lost side
Of a person that all this time lived in me
The one I tried to push deep inside
Was the only one that was truly free

All my fears, all of the nightmares
Were made of others, a deaf & dumb crowd
A mass that always follows,
but never cares
& sings only its insults aloud

So I failed in making my escape plan
Touched only the surface of eternity
Lost again, back where it all began
I think I've found you inside of me

Instead of me...

[Chapter V – Shadow of Venus]

[Dream Maker]:

If the light's dying again
In this small world of ours
Just whisper to the shades of night
Offer me to the stars

I will shatter the horizons
Bathe your room in shine
I will paint your reality
In my own design

If your heart's fading again
Beneath the golden tree
Just sing to the frozen waste
Offer me to the sea

I will drown your pain in myself
Calm the wicked tides
Kiss that world we've known
Where madness with beauty collides

If your sky's crumbling again
Down on your land of gold
Close your eyes & call my name
They will be mine to hold

I will separate the worlds
Both of which are a part of you
Until the old rises again
From the ashes of the new

I'll be there to save the worlds
That on night's tattered map you drew...

[Chapter VI – Shoreline Whispers]


One day,
I'll rest in dewdrops of a broken morn
Beneath golden leaves of summers late
When I find the one without a thorn
In a silent age that we await

'cause she sang from the other side
Reverberating sounds of a brighter day
From a sky that with my colors she dyed
To make the suns more alive
If I should choose to stay

She called from the warm morning mist
This time, more real
More cheerful
More alive
With her tiny fingers, kissing my wrist
Waiting for the day, when in these waters soft I'll dive

I was just another soul she'd revive...


The name of Baron Reinholx was my friend's idea: Reinholx was his idea for naming an "evil character", to which I added the title of a baron, inspired by Baron LaCroix (sophisticated spirit of death in Haitian Voodoo)
The meaning of name Vivienne is lively, & this symbolism is very important for the poem
I hope you enjoy!
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