I can't seem to fill
The endless, gnawing void in my stomach
That infinitely expands with age.

The black hole in my stomach
That keeps me from truly feeling home
With anyone, anywhere.

They say home is where the heart is,
And maybe mine got unknowingly
****** in too.

Everything consumed by the pit of loneliness.

Life is a **** deal.

No matter how great the cheap thrills, tricks, and food is,

It isn't worth its counterpart.

The pain isn't worth this chaos carnival ride

And the only ones who think it is

Are the clowns.

It’s time to stop
Pressing my face against mirrors
And judging each and every pore.

It’s time to stop
******* in my pulpy cheeks
Like I did when I was a young teen
To see what my round face would look like
If they shrank.

It’s time to stop
Doing exercises I find
On the Internet
That falsely promise to make
My ******* the same size.

It’s time to stop
Holding my stomach fat
In my hands
And picturing my body without it.

It’s time to stop
Sitting on the edge of my bed
And looking down at my thighs,
And moving them
To watch the disappointing jiggle.

It’s time to stop
Wearing men’s clothes
In order to hide as many curves
In my body
As I can.

It’s time to stop
Trying to change
Because I want to earn love.

It’s time to stop
Hurting myself
Trying to become beautiful,
Because I’m the only person
Who I can count on
To be truly kind to my body.

It’s time to stop
Doing things
I know are bad for me.