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Luminosity Cat Jun 2013
"Worthless... Worthless... Worthless,"* echoes through my ears.
"Not again... Not again... Not again," I voice for none to hear.

You write and write, but no one sees what you beg for them to see, but you still won't voice allowed.
The fake smile you bare weighs heavy.

Is no one there?

"Someone help! Someone be there! Someone care! Someone just be there," I shout, but still, no one hears.

I cut, to give me control, and in hopes that someone will see. I'm begging for someone to take a cherish me.

My past still haunts, my story still stands. Someone, anyone, please be there.

I kick, I scream, I yell, I pound yet still no one takes notice of me. My soul is slowly fading.

"You *****," I scream, not meaning what I said, just wanting someone to notice me.

The pain I feel becomes unbearable. The reprimanding becomes unexplainable. Please, someone be there and care.

For once in my life, I stand alone. I know that no one hears my cries that I long for them to hear. They don't understand why I suffer so. I'm just begging them to still be there.

I watch as people I love slowly loose grip in my heart. I may be alive, but my soul has already died.

**Someone, anyone, just be there!
There comes a point in time, when you have been through what I have, that you feel as if your soul has died. No one seems to care. No one seems to be there. Your friends have seemed to slowly walk away from you. No one seems to understand, and you just beg, and beg for at least one person to see the pain and just understand. However, rarely does someone ever see. The scars that are forever embedded on my skin shall forever be a reminder of the pain I am in.
Luminosity Cat Apr 2014
The oceans hear their cry from it's depths,
and when their hearts are breaking its the waves that are cracking it's
whips.

The scars streak blood across the skin.
Anxiety is raging a monstrous war that's within.

The nails that bare across the flesh,
leave wounds created by it's tips.

Words thrown as stones, and used on their bones,
break their backs with all their attacks.

When will the people of this land,
stop and consider the stakes that are at hand.
Luminosity Cat Jul 2013
The pain you see is unbearable.
Day after day you take up the knife.
Day after day you wait and pray.
You wait for a hero, but still no one comes.
At school you are ridiculed.
At home you feel the world weighing in.  
Your little sister nags just as much as your parents.
Bullied, friendless, and alone in the world.
You decide it's time to die a cold hard death.
You write a note, and slowly take the pills.
Time for dinner, your sister enters.
She leaves, your parents come.
They cry, they scream.

Two years later - The bully blamed himself, so, death already set in.
Your best friend, has no friends.
Your parents divorced due to arguments that set in.
Your sister is anorexic and dealing with depression.
Your teachers all moved because they didn't stop it.
The kids in school blame themselves, some even had the nerve to drop out.
Your grandparent's blame your parents and never come to visit.
I've been there, I know the feeling of wanting to commit suicide, but think about the effect your death could have on the people who really cares.
Luminosity Cat Mar 2014
Drip. Drop. Drop. Drip.
Drops fall like rain from my tearstained eye.
I cannot hide.
There is not a soul in sight, but I dread the coming ghosts that hide in the night.
I run not from the ghosts themselves, but my past, that so haunts me like a parasite that infest in ones soul relishing on crazed minds!
I dread the waking dead.
The cells that captivate the soul into dread.
No guards stand watch over my cell of dread, but they aren’t needed!
I have no way of escaping my captors that rage the wars that festers inside my head!
Where can I run?! Where can I escape the waking dead!?
Tricky is the mind.
My perplexed mind plays tricks on even the sliest of people.
“Dread. Dread. Dread,” Echoes through my mind - perplexing me to dread even farther!
Until… Silence...
My tearstained eyes drip, drop, drop, drip no more.
My mind ceases to implement dreadful parasites that fester in my mind.
My mind ceases to work. The waking dead has caught up with me.
They had driven my crazed soul unto death.
No air filled my lungs.
Just... Silence.
I warn you -
When the dreadful night no longer wakes,
When thy sleep comes shy,
when terror turns to horror,
When thy tears fall while you dread the dead
Shackles will come to bind you in your parasite infested mind.
The parasites then will fester in your crazed mind.
Until… Silence reaches across your tearstained mind.
I posted this on my old account before I deleted it for a while. Its one of the favorite's I've written, so I'm posting it again. Enjoy!
Luminosity Cat Feb 2014
I long for your affection.
I long for your praise.
I long for the love you gave me, on that sorrowful day.

I miss you like I miss the dark.
I loved you like I loved the scars.
I miss the way you kissed my cheek.
I loved the times you gave to me.

I don't regret my time with you.
I do regret that you didn't follow through.
I don't regret the love we shared.
I do regret the way I cared.

I hate myself for running back.
I love myself for giving you the chance.
I hate myself, for pain you caused.
I love myself, for joy the joy you brought.

I miss you like I miss the dark.
I love you like I loved the scars.
He brought my joy, and he brought me grief. I love(d) him deeply. I wish I could just let go. I miss him a lot, but chances come and go.
Luminosity Cat Dec 2013
My wall broke at our warm embrace.
My eyes sparkled at your tender gaze.
My heart it pounded at the sound of your name.
My world seemed completely with you to tame it's wild mane.

But it was all a lie and a part of your frivolous game.
Your eyes turned cold as soon as you'd won.
My heart became angered when your name was mention.
My world soon shattered.
To death, I wanted to saunter.
My life was nothing, but unspeakable terror.
Luminosity Cat Dec 2013
There is something in a move that makes a heart shatter.
There is something in a heart that knows some goodbyes are forever.
There is something that sees the end of time.
There is something that hears a wail of tears.

But there is something in a heart that knows change is good.
There is something there that sees adventure in a move.
There is something there that knows memories will prosper.
There is something there that sees a future.
My heart breaks at the propspect of saying goodbye to those I love dearly. Yet, my heart jumps at the sight of adventure. When standing in a hall of doors, if one door is shut, another must be opened. Although, yes, my heart will yern to travel back in time to where my heart lies; I must surge forward in my journey of life.
Luminosity Cat Apr 2014
Then I danced before your eye, while you watched grand jetes fly.

Then you guessed my heart aches plea, so you spoke truth into me.

Then you saw my secret's pain, so you tried to tame it's mane.

Now you see me speaking out, because you were the first to shout.

Now you see me living free, because you broke through reality.

Now you see me chasing dreams, because they no longer frighten me.

But soon I'll be all alone, and all you will leave is a phone.

Soon it will be your time to leave, and I will beckon with a plea.

**A plea begging you not to leave.
One of the downfalls to being me, is that you get emotionally attached to people, and they just leave. Like I have said before, I could beg her not to leave, but how can you beg someone to leave knowing their heart wants to flee?
Luminosity Cat Oct 2013
I will not back down from the revolution that WILL be break loose in this generation.
I will not let a single soul be left without a spark of ignition.
I will not let the people of this world die off without a hint of recognition towards salvation.

He will break the chains of the people who have been bound.
He will let loose a furry  on every soul that has not been found.

He has risen.
He is coming.
He is saving.
He is redeeming.

He is the bridge that will let us pass.
He is everything that has been in the past.
He is the Father, Son, the Holy one.

**He is the hope of the world to come.
Luminosity Cat Jun 2013
It cut like a sword wedging itself within my soul
It caused me to flee to the darkness of my own mind
It took me for granted, used, and scared me for life
It causes the pictures to reply over and over in my mind

The scars it embedded upon my heart shall forever take their place

It is the one who is responsible for me being so untrusting, unworthy, unseeing
It is the reason I cannot come out of hiding

I fear that someone will see the scars
I fear that someone will see the pain I've locked away
I fear that someone will see me for who I am and the past that haunts me

When can I stop running from this unforeseen terror that continues towering over my flesh?
Luminosity Cat Nov 2013
Scars that stay impeded on the flesh,
marked from whips upon the skin.
Freedom taken from a soul -
Taken only to be bred, and sold.
Pain, in which you haven't seen.
Alone.. and only wanting to be free.
Blood running in the streets, from the wrong in which we failed to see.
Luminosity Cat Apr 2014
Can't you hear what is screaming out in pain?
Can't you see the hearts that are screeching out with shame?
Can you not feel the silence ripping through the cracks?
Why won't you see the hurt that cannot turn it's back?

The voice has been taken.
The choice isn't being given.
The scars are self-inflicted, and the parents don't see there hidden.
Molestation has come creeping, and the Devil keeps on prancing.
Yet, all along the cries still rage, while silence echoes through the age.

I'm begging you to see this.
I'm asking you to care, because I know something is coming.
You just can't see it there.

I see a future generation, rising through the dust.
I see chains falling, and bowing before the King.
I see a future for those who cry out for help.
I see a healer coming, he is riding on a cloud.

This is the sound of our revolution!
Listen to the sound of the prophet's cry!
This is the sound of reformation!
I can hear the warrior bride!

We are the royalty in this land.
We have a divine destiny!
We are going to shake our nation,
and we are going to change our world!

So, find your voice!
Proclaim His name.
My generation will not be gripped with shame.
Again, not going to get into a religious debate. Like, and comment if you have something nice to say, but if you don't have something nice to say, and so feel inclined feel free to inbox me.

"This is the generation who will seek Your face."
If you want some music this song was kind of my inspiration:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw1AeTbwdXY
Luminosity Cat Dec 2013
The stars that sparkled in here eyes, ceased to shine deep at night.
Pain waking in the soul, from ghosts that raved upon her bed.
Death creeping at her door, craving human's bone and flesh.
A knife sitting where she sleeps, blood gushing from her flesh.
Demons crawling in the streets, awaiting death's keen sting.
As she weeps a sorrowfilled song, a heart beats slower.
Death as come yet at last, her life never could have last.
Luminosity Cat Jul 2013
I wait... in silence... for answers.
Dawn approaches and my quest is yet to be fulfilled.
I know that my tormenters will continue to pursue me until I have found what I am in search of.
Yet, I know that,  if I find it, it may not be what I came to find.
Yet, my tormentors still come, so I still search.

Noon has approached and past.
Still my tormentor comes.
I still cannot find the remedy I need.
My tormentors grab at my heart and mind.
They provide me with a pain so unbearable.
I feel the world closing in. UGH! How I wish to die!

The sun sets as it always does.
Still I have not found what I came for.
My tormentors still torment.
The pain still consists and has grown.

Night becomes inevitable.
I wonder if I shall ever find what I am looking for.
Perhaps not. Perhaps I shall.
Day after day I shall wake a repeat.
I shall not let me search come to an end without the answers I seek.
Luminosity Cat Apr 2015
To whom it may concern,
He is prodigious and amicable. He is without fault, in a sense that his faults are the very thing that makes him flawless.
He is compassionate and sympathetic. When words flow from his lips, it makes you weak at the knees and it makes you forget about your anxiousness.

He makes my heart beat to a pulp and race a million miles pure second. It's odd though, his track record isn't the best.
He doesn't seem to stay with any one person. He is afraid of losing the people he loves, I guess. (We have that in common)

So, no, he doesn't stick around, and, no, he won't be staying with me.
Yet, he deserves a chance at a little piece of heaven.
I pray to God one day he'll find that person that makes him happy because sometimes you meet someone and they do this thing called falling in love. That's what he and I did, but I know we weren't meant to be.

We were just two sparrows who met in the middle of flying in opposite directions, but - to whoever this may concern - you found him next, and I loved him once, odds are you will too. He was my first, and my only first true love, so take care of him, because when he falls in love, somewhere deep in his heart even when you're gone, he will always love you too.

And when you find out that he won't stay, and you ask me if he is worth it my answer will always be - you could live a hundred years, but only have one here and now. If even just for a moment you really do love him you'll stay until he leaves because it isn't very often in a life time that something or someone comes around and it is worth getting your heart broken for.

I promise you, I will always have a place in his heart and he will always be in mine, but you will hold a new place in a whole new part of him that I had yet to unlock. Thank you for loving him and wish you all the best. Maybe you'll be the one that sticks, but if it doesn't come find me - I know what it is like to watch him walk away.


With sorrow and love,
His former beloved
To him,
I loved you so much and you'll probably never see this. We fell in sink before falling a million miles apart but each moment with you was worth it. You deserve love, and I hope you find it. The hardest thing is letting you go because I still love you but I know you are scared of being hurt. I'm not the person you'll spend the rest of your life with and open up to, but do me a favor and find yourself that one person eventually. You deserve that.
Luminosity Cat May 2013
Two girls, like magnets, forever pulling – pulling – pulling
Two girls, like magnets, forever slamming – slamming – slamming
Two girls, forever dancing, but forever dancing to a different song
Two girls, forever singing, but forever singing a different song
Two girls, always loving, but never trusting
Two girls, quick to fighting and slow to apologizing
Two girls, always fighting – fighting – fighting

Two girls, insecure and never trusting
Two girls, never knowing their strengths
Two girls never knowing where they stand
Two girls, who will never stop loving
Two girls, who will never stop dancing
However, two girls, still fighting – fighting – fighting
Two girls, still forgiving – forgiving – forgiving

Two girls, forever tapping
Two girls, forever singing
Two girls, but one never laughing
Two girls, still loving
Yet, two girls, still fighting – fighting – fighting

One girl, cannot fight anymore
One girl, emotionally spent to one end
One girl, not knowing who she is
One girl, not knowing where she stands
One girl, with pain unbearable
One girl, who continues loosing – losing – losing

One girl, tries to hold on until her grip begins failing
One girl, says goodbye for the last time
One girl, forever mourning the loss of a friend
One girl, never to ask, “do you want to skip to the tree,” again
However, still, both girls remain loving the other, even though their lives may never combine again
This is in dedication to an old friend of mine! I still love her to death though our paths have ceased to unite.
Luminosity Cat May 2013
Two friends, with secrets passed between them
They dance to no end
No end to the song they sing
Two different pasts, and forever friends
Though, anger may come quickly, forgiving always easily
Did I mention forever dancing?
Both with a burning passion thriving in their soul
Both knowing where they stand with the other
Both with love unending
Both with a story
Both listening and sometimes hurting
Both always willing
Two girls, both friends, never parting
This poem is in dedication to my best friend and "choreographer!" May many more dances come through our paths! <3
Luminosity Cat Jun 2013
Words left unspoken
Pain left unbearable
Time that's irretrievable
A life that's unlivable

Where words were left unspoken, time continuously creped away becoming yet a memory.
The pain makes life unlivable.
The knife that cut her skin left scars - still a constant reminder of the pain unbearable.
Luminosity Cat May 2015
I'll admit,  I was scared to trust again.
To love whom had human nature to guide there selfish ambitions.
But you looked at me and realized I was not who I hid behind - I am so much more.
Luminosity Cat Apr 2014
There can be no excuse for your lie.
Never.
Ever.
It isn't even worth giving a tittle to something so simple, pure, and true. A tittle would just make it more of something. No, for once I right a simple something that takes my heart and rips it to shreds.
Luminosity Cat Apr 2015
Conforming to the wicked ways that we have been told to shape into.

Told to mold ourselves to who they want us to be, then insisting our dreams are to big.

Don't be that person who listens to society's every beckon call.

You are not defined by like on a picture or a comment on a status, or the words whispered behind your back.

You are defined only as you define yourself and if your dreams seem possible than they aren't big enough.
Luminosity Cat Feb 2015
If you looked,
I mean really looked,
would you see me?
I mean really see me.

I don't mean the side of me that smiles,
or the side of me that laughs,
or that seems care free,
or loving.

I mean the side of me that cries,
that is flooded with pain,
with blood on my arms,
and feels alone.

When you look at me,
do you look at my appearance,
or do you look in my eyes,
or do you even look at all?

Please, tell me what you really see.
Look at me.
Really look at me,
because I don't think you really see.
Maybe its time you really looked.
Luminosity Cat May 2013
"You are loved, you are loved,* Someone whispers in your ear.
You are worthless, you are worthless," Someone's voice your forced to hear.

An argument, never dying, of voices always trying.
  One voice to bring you love and gain and the other bring hate and pain.
  Both voices sometimes shouting.

The scars you are forced to bear begin to weigh heavily upon your skin.
Until it all begins to finally sink in.
The lies I have been fed have won out.
The voice of love I heard were useless and of doubt.
Luminosity Cat Feb 2015
I suppose this wall is to blame.
No windows. No doors. Just brick.
No way to claw out of it,
But the effort is killing me.

I suppose the construction worker is to blame.
No ladder. No rope. Just height.
No way to climb over,
But I try in desperation.

No tunnel.
No passage.
Nothing.

I suppose I'm to blame.
I did built it so long ago.
I forgot how to get out.
This is my mind after all.
Luminosity Cat Feb 2015
Hey, fat child, look at yourself.
You can't possibly be happy with the way you look.
Let me help you, child.
Just loose one pound, its all you need.

Hey, fat child, look at yourself.
You can't be happy with that fat!
One or two more pounds can't hurt.
Look, now you've lost three.

Hey, look, your still fat.
Loose a little more weight.
Just a few more pounds.
Soon no one will hate.

Look at how much you've lost,
you poor, fat, child.
Are those ribs?
Just a few more and you'll be perfect.

There goes four,
then five,
six, ten, soon twenty five more.
Look at your ribs.

Skinny, dumb, ugly, child.
You've ended up in the hospital!
Don't you know your supposed to eat.
You were so dumb to listen to me.
Its funny how society tells us to loose more and more weight, but as soon as a teenager or child ends up in the hospital for starving themselves we look at them as if they have damaged themselves. WAKE UP! We've damaged them. They never damaged themselves.
Luminosity Cat Jul 2013
When you look around what do you see?
Do you see hope? Do you see love? Do you see pain? Do you see glee?

When I look around, I'll tell you what I see.
I see hell breaking loose around every turn.
I see love breaking hearts. I see people loving to much - loving to the worlds end.
And no glee do I dare see.

I see a world to afraid to break loose from it's chains.
I see a world of hate, to afraid to stand up for what is right.
I see a world that is blind. A world that cannot see the truth even if it is put blankly in front of them

However, inside the heart of just a few look and see; just try to see if you can see what I see.
I see a passion unlike any other.
I see a love like any other.
I see hope sparkling in their eyes.
I see knowledge beyond there years.
I see leadership and revival in their mists.
I see chains being broken.
I see worship.
I see a song.
I see a dance.
I see what they try to see.

It is those such as these that bring the world full of hell hope, and life.
Luminosity Cat Jun 2014
When the pain is to great, and you feel you are falling just look to the stars, and know he is watching.
When the days are like night, and the devil is attacking.
If the darkest of days just keep on coming.

When a hero won't come, and you think you are done just look to the stars and know he is watching.
When a knife leaves a scar, and blood keeps flowing
When your mind keeps on shouting, and addictions are running.

When you can't see the day, and death seems the way.
If the past is to great to carry its weight.
When life is to grim, and you just can't fit in.
If life is to grey, to keep seas a bay.
Look to the stars, and know he is watching.
Look to the stars, and know he is coming.
Luminosity Cat Apr 2014
Time is slowly turning.
I'm staring at the clock.
Every time I hear it's tick, my heart slowly stops.

They are quickly leaving.
I'm still stuck in the dust.
Each time a "Goodbye" is echoes, my heart shatters in the grave.

He is still persisting.
I'm just trying to avoid.
Every time he comes I around, my heart tries to run away.

She was the one I turned to.
Now I'm lying to her face.
Every time I speak a lie, my heart tries to turn away.

She was the friend I trusted.
It was her who always cared.
Now every time I see her face, my heart screeches out in pain.

He was the one who made me laugh.
He always seemed to care.
Now every time I hear his name, my heart turns to rage.

She was the one who understood.
She always stood right there.
Now whenever I talk to her, her heart seems to move away.

She is the one who moved away, and the only one who remains.
I fear my heart may loose her,
and every time I hear her voice, my heart wonders how much longer.

He was the one who hurt me.
The one who never cared.
Now when I see his face, my heart turns away from fear.

Ask me who these people are, but I cannot give a name.
These are the people my heart loved.
Some friends.
Some mentors.
Some family members.
All of which time has took, and left me in the dust.
It is hard to move on, when my heart is still living in what was.
My heart cries for who I lost. My mind is raging out because I miss the people I can't have back. I try to move on, but I can't. When will this wretched war of loosing and finding ever stop? When will I stop feeling alone? Is no one listening to my cries?!
Luminosity Cat Feb 2014
Love.
A ****** in deep disguise.
Pain in which I despise.
The thing on which my anger dwells.
It causes so much living hell.

Truth.
A killer that is true and pure,
and it seems to hold no cure.
The thing that plays hide and seek.
The thing that I don't want to peek.

Peace.
A liar, clear as day.
It causes those who seek her to wander astray.
  The thing that holds deception's law.
It seems to strike the devils claw.

Friendship.
An enemy, clear and true.
I've nothing more to say to you.
The thing that causes heart break's song.
It's pain seems to last all to long.

Beauty.
Societies downfall.
It says things that are not true.
It causes so much fear and deception.
A cereal killer, isn't it true?
The pain in which it's causing you.
Luminosity Cat Aug 2014
A stolen child glares at a clock.

The child yells, "when will life's pure sting stop!"

Yet, the clock just screams, "tick tock."

A kid, who's life is a blended mess, stares at white walls.

The kid screams, "when will this demon come to a stop."

But the wall doesn't scream, it's sweet silence never cease yelling.

A teen cries from his depths as he trips on his chains-

"When will this burdon leave, my body is screaming from pain."

His cry from the depths, and his screams in the night burry the joy that will not reside.

I pray for the day when the burdon flees from his mists. I pray for the hour that teen is remist.
Luminosity Cat Apr 2014
The stars, they sparkle in the night.
The diamonds they dazzle from within.
The truest form of love so pure.
They say their the window to the soul.

Blue from the sky's summer day.
They seem to take the pain away.
Wise from youth beyond your years.
It seems as if they bleed no tears.

— The End —