I've erased
Every little trace
Of you
I'm done
Just forget your debt
Forget that you owe me
Forget the words
That I almost said
That died on my lips
Even when I thought
That they were true
I never said that to you
It's a relief to know
That you never cared
And that I'm not hurting you
When I say I've found someone new
And that I love him much more
Than I ever could you

My pen has failed me
I sit with it and
Sheets of lined paper
Ready to be filled
But the words don't flow right
They're no longer adequate to express
This dull, aching hopelessness
Of knowing that I've lost my heart
Handed it away to someone
Who was much too careless
As words lined the already lined page
Bleeding hearts with barbed wire vines
Etched into the paper
During my wait for words
To pick their way out of my head
I listen to their sound as they tread
Through the minefield of my mind
Getting in traps that distort their meaning
Words like love becoming bleak
Because it got stuck in the trap
The trap that is you

I didn't sleep after I got home last night
After being at your place all day
Sleep wasn't in my grasp
Just like you. Slipping away from me
I'm love sick, overdosed on this
Dopamine rush you give
We've been apart 13 hours
And 9 minutes
And you haven't left my mind
Not for me to sleep
Or for me to really eat
I'm withering under this
Chemical rush in my head
Hoping it doesn't develop
Into a full blown, hopeless addiction
Hoping that it hasn't already
Without my permission
Without my notice
Became an addiction to you
And that amazing touch
That I already miss so much

I'm feeling used
And discarded
Like a little confetti popper
You expertly pulled that string
And got that brief explosion
Of bright pretty colors
And then tossed me away
Like you've done with so many other
Little plastic confetti poppers
Maybe I'm special to you
I still let myself hope
I take your explanations
Tuck them away in my head
Little grains of comfort
In a sea of discontent

I was going to write for you today
Get my thoughts out, onto paper
Reread and maybe figure this all out
But I forgot my pen, you see
So I'm trying to type
But nothing comes out just right
Too many thoughts running through my head
Can't type fast enough to keep up with them
Running in circles around my own thoughts
Driving myself intermediately insane

Granny's out drinking
Papas already in bed
And where am I?
Sitting here, sober
Thinking of someone
Halfway around the world
That I just recently met
That ill never forget
Even if I wanted to
There he would sit
In the back of mind
Impossible not to find

I'm alone, another night
Not another soul in sight
My attempts to reach out
Ignored by you and those around
These nights are growing
And there's cold things abound
And what I want can't be found
I want a warm somebody
As the snow falls to the ground
Really, just anybody
Here to hold or be held
But instead, there's nobody
Just the trio of these winter nights
Me, misery, and loneliness
Always to be found