South Africa    1998 -    
i am nobody. i aspire to be somebody.
i am nobody. i aspire to be somebody.
Raz Rix
Raz Rix
2 days ago

each moment passes by,
and i can barely pretend to care.
i watch them pass with less
emotion than i watch the street below,
wondering when will my time
to live arrive?

each moment stretches out,
around me, and closes in,
but it's no different than yesterday
and the day before.
as the moments suffocate me,
they make me wonder:
when will my time
to live arrive?

it's messy.
Raz Rix
Raz Rix
Jan 12

when you're stuck
and reaching up,
knowing that everyone
who walks past
is pretending not
to see the
desperation
in your eyes

i hate this place. i wish i could be done with it.
Raz Rix
Raz Rix
Jan 11

you pretend to miss me
but i know you better than you think
i know the giveaways when you're lying
the words you use to avoid the truth

the pretending needs to end
i can't be your last call anymore
i don't want to be your second thought
when you're planning things

i've been debating about whether or not i'm done with you for over a month now. i guess we have my answer.
Raz Rix
Raz Rix
Nov 16, 2016

i learnt that happiness
is waking up giggling
with you before we
go to work in the morning

i need you.
  Oct 23 2016  Raz Rix
Christine
Christine
Oct 13, 2016

there is someone in my mirror,
someone i know well.
its bones are cracked
but it feels no pain.
its lips are black
and eyes are gray.
every now and then
it tries to escape,
it breaks the glass
and cuts its face.
and when we met
it had new scars,
that never hurt,
and never bled.
it counts my words
and then goes mad,
if my hairs are not
perfect on my head.
it tells me where
it tells me when,
and then goes mad
if i don't obey.
it wakes me up
to check the door,
and then goes mad
if it's locked once.
it moans and cries
if i knock three times,
instead of four
which is fine.
it whispers softly
when i walk,
to make sure
my steps are all
carefully counted
four.

Raz Rix
Raz Rix
Oct 11, 2016

in the end
what does the
world matter
when I don't?

Raz Rix
Raz Rix
Sep 28, 2016

it consumes you, like endless
darkness, pulling you in against
your will. it's holding you there,
listening to your terrified breathing
waiting for you to snap.

you can't escape without a fight
your entire life is based upon
this fight and how hard you try
to survive, but even when you're
winning, it'll only take a moment
to lose.

it doesn't wait for a certain age, either
it will take you regardless of whether
you're older or young or in your twenties
because what does it matter? a person
is just a person in the end.

nobody else can see you struggle
and part of it is to be afraid of asking
for help because people will look at
you strangely, and they will make
you feel worse

how will you survive in the face
of death?

i know it's not all the same for everyone but this is what it's like for me; has always been.
 
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