South Africa    1998 -    
i am nobody. i aspire to be somebody.
i am nobody. i aspire to be somebody.
Raz Rix
Raz Rix
Mar 14

i can see them standing together,
holding each other's hand in the summer
and i want to tell them to leave, that
this is wrong.

i want to tell her of his fury,
of the force he will inflict on her children.
i want to tell him that she's isn't right,
that they will have fights and things,
that they will forever regret, will happen.

i want to tell them that if this happens,
they will put the kids into unhappiness
and their fights will affect the whole house.
i want to tell them that if this didn't happen,
they could meet people better for themselves

but i don't. i am selfish and i let them go,
i let them meet and hold hands and fall
madly in love. i let them fall out of love,
and i let the bad things happen

because i want to live, and i know
that love is just another person
suffering

i can never tell them.
Raz Rix
Raz Rix
Jan 25

i want to crawl out of my skin,
out of my body,
and leave it all behind.

farewell to the flaws,
to the walls,
that have kept me so confined.

3 a.m. thoughts.
Raz Rix
Raz Rix
Jan 18

each moment passes by,
and i can barely pretend to care.
i watch them pass with less
emotion than i watch the street below,
wondering when will my time
to live arrive?

each moment stretches out,
around me, and closes in,
but it's no different than yesterday
and the day before.
as the moments suffocate me,
they make me wonder:
when will my time
to live arrive?

it's messy.
Raz Rix
Raz Rix
Jan 12

when you're stuck
and reaching up,
knowing that everyone
who walks past
is pretending not
to see the
desperation
in your eyes

i hate this place. i wish i could be done with it.
Raz Rix
Raz Rix
Jan 11

you pretend to miss me
but i know you better than you think
i know the giveaways when you're lying
the words you use to avoid the truth

the pretending needs to end
i can't be your last call anymore
i don't want to be your second thought
when you're planning things

i've been debating about whether or not i'm done with you for over a month now. i guess we have my answer.
Raz Rix
Raz Rix
Nov 16, 2016

i learnt that happiness
is waking up giggling
with you before we
go to work in the morning

i need you.
  Oct 23 2016  Raz Rix
Christine
Christine
Oct 13, 2016

there is someone in my mirror,
someone i know well.
its bones are cracked
but it feels no pain.
its lips are black
and eyes are gray.
every now and then
it tries to escape,
it breaks the glass
and cuts its face.
and when we met
it had new scars,
that never hurt,
and never bled.
it counts my words
and then goes mad,
if my hairs are not
perfect on my head.
it tells me where
it tells me when,
and then goes mad
if i don't obey.
it wakes me up
to check the door,
and then goes mad
if it's locked once.
it moans and cries
if i knock three times,
instead of four
which is fine.
it whispers softly
when i walk,
to make sure
my steps are all
carefully counted
four.

 
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