your eyes held the world
the best and worst parts of heaven and hell
tiny fragments of the universe
stolen stars from the sky
robbed earth of it’s oceans
filling them with passion and pain and secrets
and when I held your stare for the first time
two extraordinarily beautiful eyes
dipped in liquid gold consumed my own
and I knew then, in that moment,
that they were two bullet holes
that had left a small glimpse of a secret world
that had so helplessly captured mine

I trace the outline of your body
like mountains against the sky.
I kiss your soft lips
like the ocean does the shore.
I hold you so closely
like the sky holds the stars.
I love you so dearly
As the forever endless sky.  
And I see you so beautifully
through the broken rays of
sunlight that God casts
through morning windows
...can’t you see, my love,
you are my heaven on earth.

Really, people don't want to admit it exists
Always implicit and unspoken—too horrible for words
People —won’t acknowledge it unless it slaps them in the face
              —can't deny the fact that
E*veryone flinches at the very word itself

the day hurts the same every year.
the morning the afternoon the evening.
knowing that now you would be two.
walking and talking and laughing.
'loss' can mean so many different things,
on so many different levels.
but the loss that lives inside you—it's very heartbeat,
takes away your own.
he said he wouldn't love you.
but i do baby. i do.
he said he didn't want you.
and i was scared baby. i was terrified.
i promise everything happens for a reason,
and for some reason god needed you sooner.
he took you away before you got to see
the light of the world.
but maybe he knew that you wouldn’t want to see it
from down here.
the thing about loss though,
is that now i have something to look forward to again;
to the beautiful day that i get to be with you.
*(j.j)

i don't think that it's not that i don't care anymore
i just think that nothing can hurt me anymore
*(j.j)

You say we’ll make it—we’ll be happy forever,
You say anything’s possible and to never say never.
I ask if you’ll be able to handle it, the pain, the sorrow,
You answer ‘I’ll fight through it all because there’s always tomorrow.’
You’re surrounded by people that will always be there for you,
You both smile and breathe because you’re there for them too.
But now there’s this water, and you stare into it's reflection,
But what you find is far from perfection.
You can see your future before your eyes,
The pain, the tears, the fights, and the lies.
You see all those you love will be taken away,
And you’ll be left alone, and there to stay.
Suddenly your reason for living is dead,
You lay there for nights next to an empty bed.
The immense pain that starts to grow in your heart,
Is so much more than you would have ever thought.
I look back on the words you once told me,
You said ‘you could make it through anything, you just have to believe.’
But now you realize what you told yourself was lies,
You try to defend it but you know you can’t hide.
The amazing life you thought you once knew,
Doesn’t have the happy ending you thought was for you.
But you’ve looked into the future, and now you know,
You know what’s ahead—the highs turned to lows.
You look away from the water, at the life you have at this moment,
Not painful or sad—very far from it.
I ask you this time, ‘How will you live your life now, knowing what you do?’
I continue and say ‘will it be any different than if you never knew?’
(j.j)