In trying to pick out a pattern in chaos,
I found neither symmetry nor direction.
It just was- and that's all it needed to be,
Unadulterated.
Speculation free.

No rhythm, no purpose, no agenda.
Just pure chaotic goodness straight from a sourceless chasm

To even attempt to decipher the endless web of desires,
of sorrows, or fleeting wonder- is to attempt to unravel the spider's web by speaking it. It is to sing down the moon.
It cannot be done- but there is no harm in trying.

I walk beneath the shadows of dragonflies and
in fields of stunted daisies
A witness to migrating monarchs
Whose voyage is eons from being completed,
when they only have 3 weeks at most to live.

I walk in pale fields of dusty sunbeams
and loud fading moonlight
Humming crickets play accompaniment
to solo pairs of feet, making way for still creeks
and large lily pads
to find a nice place to think.

I inhale and hold my breath until I see black-
blank spots in my vision.
I exhale and release
beautiful, long-limbed clouds of smoke.
Shrouding my face, covering my eyes
blinding me to everything
but these pale tendrils
fluid and simple

curling wisps of smoke
scar the air
scar the silence
and

all secrets lie in smoke
if i could read it, i would know
the world.

I wish someone had told me
         that there was no poetic justice
         in hurting others.

I tear apart what I can
on the outside
because I am helpless
on the inside.
I tear and tear and tear
and pull and pull and pull
it's become routine
until you see the damage.
A spot of nothing.
A patch of proof
    what insignificant detail
    to no avail
    the damage is done

ignoring the larger matter at hand
strand by strand,
until i'm surrounded by piles
of hair and pieces of my heart

I don't even notice it anymore
my hand is drawn upwards
like a paperclip to a magnet-
totally helpless
completely thoughtless


I grab and pull and yank.
until i'm perfect-
At least for a moment..
until these insecurities mount again.

I forget how many kisses we've shared,
but I know how many more we'll share when I'm back.

My blood runs still
but i am faster than
the river we used to play in,
flinging mud and catching minnows

I can crouch lower than
that mole hole
we dug up, a labyrinth of tunnels and scattered rocks

I can spread myself flat
and become the horizon
shining from all directions
but you'll find me at none

Think twice, blink later
keeps your eyes open
and your mind open wider
now you see me, now you don't

*Catch me if you can