It wasn't a good feeling knowing words would result in the chapters close between us .
And no matter my ego I still never enjoyed causing anyone pain let alone you.

Are paths had crossed and taken us in separate directions and only the blindness of concern had kept the ship afloat this long but delusion was a tide that could never bare us to distant shore and losing all wasn't worth the cost so i believe losing you was my penance that surely must be paid.

Life had scared are thoughts and now time had dealt its hand .
The only thing left where the words that would sting worse than the lash.

Sometimes being a ******* was the only option.
This was the best showing of my concern and no matter the sting at first it was best for us both.

The storm was upon the horizon I simply had to ride it out alone .

There is no hell worse than the one bring down upon ourselves  

I'm so sorry to tell you goodbye .

She said nothing simply left the scene knowing with a closed door a chapters end was all left between them both .
The haze that had become his existence had destroyed the man and forged a demon no love could ever maintain sometimes the easiest thing is to continue when the end lingers a footnote to the chaos all that remains is a image no longer a the man .

Darkness is a ocean and you can only dive under so many times till you lose the reason for a return.
The fires of passion often are mired by a fix.

The edge is but a marker please do not follow me any longer for this abyss is a vast space with little remorse for the innocent .

In a wreckage you may leave me but tonight I could give a **** less .
Sink the vein and taste a fire that is replacement for the warmth in this endless winters chill.

Soon the hands will no longer count his hours simply mark the date.


She closed the door but never locked the memory away on nights like these they breathed in regrets of a shattered past.
Lingered as smoke rings in a half empty room.

There is no stopping a train destined from jumping it's tracks .

Simply let it pass howling into the night sparks from the rails a madness with no room for any so keep your distance or taste it's wraith.

Sink the needle and understand the shadows as a fool such as I.

Never Stand in the way of a man and his demons .

For beneath the surface you will find a darkness that can consume you
both.

Never regret closing that door my dear.

for a taste of fire is but a false promise and I was only lost in myself

Please never regret simply sit in the dark and know the emptiness as a fraction of a moments bliss .

That once was you and I.

The night's music speaks so haunting lingers forever even when the flesh has became cold.


And so shall the door remain closed .

I am simply a record no one cares to play in some dark corner collecting dust.
The years haven't been kind so I will simply end it as it began.
No words will bind me so why the hell shall I reply .
Time is a empty feeling and a cold bed fellow indeed.

The fires there's it simply smolders on a night unseen to all.
Maybe it was far overdue maybe it was never what they believed it to be.
I  understand it a fade to a sunrise of promise.
A bittersweet after thought as I do find little solace in anything less than shocking .

Flaws we have become addictions are cage rusted remains the lock.
I once viewed it with promise now I see no point in the tides passing.
My words are left buried.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be

The music flowed as smoke rings littered the barroom ghosts for a second washed clean by the smell of stale beer and worn out lines.
It's here I'm home and here I'm most detached from it all I'm invisible only wanting to view and catch a buzz to chase the nights passing .

I sometimes question this existence wonder why the **** no direction suits me best .
I used to fight the urge now I simply have grown to tired to care .
And where odes another find themselves sitting next to me?

Maybe I'm to damaged maybe I'm just happy being alone .
I haven't found the answers cause I truly never gave a **** about the questions to begin with.

There's more reflection in a empty seldom clean bar glass than within my heart darlin  and my times all that matters to me now .
I have no options and the past is dead to me as the person who most hold to be the man I no longer can be .

There's always a fire burning  I just wash it clean to keep you away.

Maybe when I'm lost home seems the furthest place from my thoughts .
Like some left behind castaway I have simply went insane with time.

Underneath the lights reflection I stand the same fractured and wanting nothing more than a stiff drink and some old song to keep me company into this smoke cast fade .

Maybe home is anywhere I choose  it to be .
So try not to question the man who is but a stranger to even me.

Cheers

We sat there in a group a circle of freaks with a doctor more ****** up than all of us put together on  the side.
So John anything you care to share today ?

I paid little or no attention to the ******* rattling off about feelings or all that other **** I truly could give a **** less about .
I was in this asylum and that was ******* embarrassing enough .

John?

realizing this paid babysitter for the insane wasnt going to leave me the **** alone untill I said something or told him the voices in my head were telling me to buy a hand gun and do a little spring cleaning .

I replied .
Yeah Doc I'm good not really feeling like sharing or talking or giving my opinion about crazy Larry's compliant about the martians trying to speak to him through the microwave okay.

John we try not to joke about are fellow residents .
Yeah whats not to joke about we got people in here who talk to walls and write letters with there **** okay!, Sad part is they spell way better than me for **** sake Deny here is scared of cats and I tell you I never trust a man who's scared of ***** alright .

John tell me about Gonzo.

Is this a ******* joke doc ?
I asked half ready to flip the **** out yet considering ****** would probably be frowned upon when it came to me getting out of the nuthouse.

Alright doc what the hell do you want to know?

Well is he a separate personality from you ?
No ******* it's me okay you ever hear of a nickname I'm sure your wife has one for you like needle **** the bug ****** .

The doc looked at me like well he looked at me like a guy who went ape **** and got locked in a nuthouse .
John is humor how you keep people out from knowing the true you?

No doc it's how I deal with the *******  who ask me stupid questions like that.
I sense you don't like me asking you questions.

Oh doc it's not that honestly you see I hate life right now and being locked up surrounded by dipshits who think a wild night is getting a extra graham ******* before night night time well it's kind of ******* lame okay that and I want a ******* drink and maybe a piece of *** okay!
Not from the doctor that is get your minds out of the gutter hamsters cant you see I'm using humor to be serious  here?

Yeah I know who gives a **** now enough with the foreplay kids.

Mr Robbins can you please re-frame from using vulgarity .
Can you believe this guy ? , Or the fact I can spell vulgarity and who said nothing good comes from a nervous breakdown .

I took a moment to look deep inside I saw a forest  and other pretty gay **** I'm kidding it was more like a brothel and Disney land combined  minus that hot duck with heels but enough about Selena Gomez.

Before the doc could say anymore stupid **** that would probably land me spending the rest of my life sharing a room with a guy that enjoyed making wine from his toilet I had to unleash a rant from hell and put a end to this this **** fest of a write cause it's happy hour and the drinks are a calling kids.


Look doc I'm going to tell you  like this.
Yeah sure I went a little a little nuts tried to **** somebody took one to many pills drank a little to much parked a car in the bar hey what can I say least when i woke up I didn't have far to go for cocktail in the morning.

But all the **** aside were all ******* nuts in this life hell there's more dudes and chicks sitting at home just building up pressure waiting to off one another like some bad mafia movie .

Yeah more ******* blood has been shed over that ******* word love than I can write about .

Yeah ******* I can sit here talk about about my Godammed feelings let me tell you what I'm feeling some of those good drugs that nurse with the great **** is handing out .
Her and me and some time alone that's what I'm ******* feeling sure it's just some cheap thrills and some ***** hot *** but hey thats about as wholesome as apple pie and ******* baseball pal.

So if your done with your stupid as questions I'm going to get the **** out of here hit on that nurse make her laugh and get shot down and probably go practice some self love alright amigo .

And let me also point out look how about some better mags in this place hey you ever tried to ******* to better homes and gardens?.
Yeah talk about a bush oh how a love the fall and a fern don't ask.

Mr Robbins.
Shh I put my finger to the docs beautiful full lips .

Look I'm crazy and I'm dam proud of it so to poetically put it shut the **** up cause I'm out homeboy.

With that said I left this circle of fellow freaks behind slammed my pills took my copy of home and garden and treated her like a copy of my favorite intellectual magazine hustler .


See and who said I didn't believe in happy ending.

Stay crazy or you just might go sane .

Gonzo

The streets frozen in temperature my soul soaked in bourbon as  I drift a drunk looking simply to get home and crash out simply to do
it all over again.

The music is the silence only footsteps keep me company and no other need be my shadow .

Spirts of fire are often dulled together sweetheart I will be just fine I said in my exit from the bar .


The streetlights and that Christmas tinged on full  display I drift past stores closed as vacant in windows view as my thoughts as the bums

try not freeze upon the benches I know this existence in sadness and think **** thank to hell it's not me.

Simply move on two ghost's haunted the same and no need to explain the rest,


It's here I am home in these empty streets here I grasp it all .

Maybe it's a drunkards melancholy thought a romancing of the page to fulfill the emptiness in me .


I know this night like any other sometimes when the mix of ***** and ******* hits me just right

I truly understand the man that once was me .


Goodnight my friends.

For so we stand in thought reflections of the poet know are truths .
the page will be are immortality my friend let others stand to know only what they can imagine are the truths between the lines.

Words know no strangers I drink to your thoughts a fool amongst many .
You see the light for it's fade and it's perfection sunset left untouched .
In the ocean furry the bloodwood's stain a glimmer of that which I see only through eyes of your page I know a highways infinite divide .

take me to heart and keep me in soul leave me in the darkened corners simply take me to the party and allow me to view friends not yet my own.

My friend words are all that is of me but friendship is a cool breeze known on the hottest day .
Never know a stranger when you speak my name .