I don’t really write poetry
I type it

Not like “kind”
Not like unkind
Same thing

What I mean is to say
I push keys
No weight

I mean wait
Tables have turned
I’m mixed all up

I make poetry
By manipulating digits
That’s a handful of numbers

When I mean numbers
It’s not average
Wordplay savage

That’s in sensitive
Tissue in eyes ears
And no see

I’m blowing it
Again it snot what
I’m trying to say

I do poetry
Not like ***
I mean I do

Not to come off
As a ****
But I am poetry

Not literally
But I am watching
My figurative language

You could say
“Poetry flows through me”
But we’d have to hash out #firstpersonproblems

I’ve been getting it all wrong
So all that’s left to say is
I don’t really right poetry

I want to hold you so you know it's fine
I want to please you and your jaded mind
If I could make it better I would
If I could understand your moods
I just
I just want to talk to you without all the noise
I know that you're hurting but I am not the cause

So I tell you not to go yet you faded
I tried to let you know but it's thin air
I want to hold you close but you faded
I mean you're still here but you're not there

You tell me that it's just a phase
You tell me you've got demons to erase
Meanwhile we're missing out on our lives
And I can't keep count of all of your lies
It's like
It's like you want it all to crumble away
I know you're hurting but this is not the way

So I asked you not to go yet you faded
I tried to let you know but it's thin air
I want to hold you close but you faded
I mean you're still here but you're not there

Please
Please don't fade away from me
Please
Please don't fade away
I mean you're not gone
But you're faded
In every way
It's the same thing
You say you're here
But you've faded
Every day is even
More confusing
Every day is more confusing
More and more
Confusing

I beg you not to go but you faded
I tried to get you to stay but you don't care
It's not like I haven't waited
For you I've got an eternity to spare

"Ain't nobody
    got time for that"

So I'll hit a button.
Hell, it's not even a hit.
More like a tap.

I mean I'll search through
Some endless animated ****
When my words are flat.

But idk
I want to say more
I guess

But why bother?
Keeping up is a chore.

I mean, effort
It takes... effort
Man

Even if
I were to tell you,
Time won't stop flying.

Ain't nobody
Gonna notice
If we all stop trying.

Go to work.
Get engulfed.
Thicken your constitution.
Deaden your nerves until
feelings glance off of
your steely exterior.
Your apathy is a samurai,
deflecting emotions
with unnatural precision.
PLING
PLING
PLING
PLING
the fallen garnish your feet
like pencil shavings.
You are sharpened.

[reads a news article about people suffering]

Somewhere, seemingly distant, a voice cries or sings. It starts faint, but you know it's going to get much louder. No. That's not quite right. You know it IS much louder.

You know its volume is being filtered somehow. You know because you're doing the filtering. Or a least you're trying.
[trying is the wrong word]
fighting. You are fighting this noise down. You are an indomitable force that fights everything. Wasn't it you that moved like wind? Wasn't it you that struck your enemies true? A warrior that stands fearless above all.

[something is looming]

Of course you would want to tune this out. It's not just a loud noise. Pretty sure there's pain involved. Pretty sure you might be hurt. That's why you had to turn the noise down.
[it's a scream]
the scream down. I mean, even a warrior is scared by pain. No shame in that. The scary scream had to be muted. It's what anyone would do. It doesn't make you less warrior. I mean, did you see those moves out there?

[PLING PLING PLING]

But something is not right. This [scream] is somehow frightening. You don't feel very warrior–like right now. You feel ill. Weak. How long have you been fighting this noise down? How loud is this thing? I mean, is it safe to check or will the noise crush you where you stand?

It's considered unwise for a man to open his door when he knows a flood is on the other side.

But you need to open this door. You've been dishonest with yourself
[Sun and moon and stars and void]
You've been dishonest with the cosmos and it's time to repent. You will drown.
It will be relief somehow.

[Go home.
Get engulfed.
Open up your conscience.
Feel your scream in every
emotion as they ripple
throughout your juicy guts.
Your catharsis is a newborn fawn,
clumsily alerting
every predator.]



You are broken.
You are crying.
You are the screaming.
[steel melts]
You were cutting down yourself
with precision.
[PLING]

You'll wonder how it can be so,
in a fair world,
that this scream should be turned against you.

After all, you've been taught
that a warrior keeps their screams to themselves.

I don't think she was capable of love.

Just fits of lust; I was worshipped like the moon
and forgotten on a cloudy night.

Some might question the appeal, or
lack the fortitude for being discarded

But not every man can claim being a moon god.

What must seem nefarious to the watching birds
Is just me tending my yard

Truly it's the weeds that should worry
Or no

Aren't we all in a hurry to grow
Just waiting to be pulled

By the hands of the great gardeners
Or snipped by their tool