Feb 13

Step aside, you little man,
With your dull, suburban life.
Adonis has just landed,
And he's come to take your wife.

She mounts his massive chopper,
They lift up to the sky,
He whisks her off to Paris,
She's so happy she could cry.

First, he takes her shopping,
For lingerie and shoes,
Some handbags and a Blackberry,
Whatever she may choose.

Then it's back to his place,
The wine goes to her head,
Manfully, he carries her,
To his four poster bed.

Romantically, he whispers,
Of Tallis and of Tess,
Suggests she signs a contract,
And then tears off her dress.

He strips her and he whips her,
Yet still she screams for more,
His wild and brutal spanking,
Unlocks her inner whore.

A feminist for all her life,
Yet now she is enslaved,
She satisfies his every wish,
No matter how depraved.

The school run is a world away.
And so are thoughts of you.
She's escaped her former life,
And thinks she's twenty two...

Chapter after chapter,
Of unrelenting SEX,
He's young and rich and powerful,
With perfect arse and pecks!

But eventually, it's over,
The pages are no more.
She crashes back to planet Earth,
And hears you fart and snore.

With all of the hype surrounding the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, I decided to re-post this.

Dedicated to the partners
of the readers
of erotic fiction.
Feb 5

Like me, they love to wag their tails,
And run about the street,
Yet still, I often wonder,
Why is it they can't bleat?

Jan 26

As the guests arrive
The hostess is in her element
Queen of her domain
...Or is it the sitting room?

Anyone for gin and tonic?

But as the evening wears on
The polite smiles
Of the mismatched couple
Dissolve with the drink

Cheesy pineapple one?

And when the sniping starts
The others are caught in the cross-fire
As they sit
On the couch
...Or is it the sofa?

Who's for a top up?

Things get nasty
He snaps at her
And she spits venom
From her very beautiful lips.

Go on, have a cigarette!

And in between
The barbed comments
The vicious put downs
And the excruciating anecdotes
Which go nowhere...

Are those moments
Which pass in seconds
(But feel like hours)
Where there is nothing
But awkward silence...

-Broken only
By the sound of music
Coming through the wall

From Abigail's Party.

RIP Demis Roussos (1946-2015)

Jan 25

Who better to visit this distant place,
Than the man who found it was there?
There'll be time to sample the atmosphere,
Then go on to who knows where...

Jan 15

Beautiful, but deadly
Intelligent, yet tough
I need you, Mrs Peel
And I just can't get enough.

The TV producer Brian Clemens died earlier this week. Before conceiving the hit series "The Professionals", he had been one of the major creative forces behind "The Avengers". After Honor Blackman left the show, it was Clemens who chose Diana Rigg to play one of my favourite TV heroines: the high-kicking, karate-chopping Emma Peel!

Jan 4

A shipwreck in the distance,
Two figures at the fore,
But, reflect upon the spot
And you'll find even more.

I love anamorphic art. "Mysterious Island" is one such work by the artist István Orosz.

Dec 28, 2014

The Christmas turkey is finally gone,
Time for a stretch and a yawn.
Later, I'll pop round the neighbours,
And do a big poo on their lawn.

My cats love Christmas.

For legal reasons, I must stress that I do not condone their behaviour in other people's gardens!
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