May 2

Cut the head off a toothbrush
And place it on the ground
Add a motor and a battery
And watch it run around...

I made some bristlebots for my son. I have to confess that I was rather more impressed than he was!
Apr 18

Come to Craggy Island,
With its field and Holy Stone,
Drop in on the parochial house,
You'll never feel alone.

Ted has a weakness for money,
Regardless of the amount,
If you give him some cash for charity,
It'll "rest" in his account.

If you fancy having a cup of tea,
Or perhaps a cake or scone,
Let Mrs Doyle take care of you,
Go on, go on, GO ON!

Dougal has a heart of gold,
But not much in his head,
So if you're planning a funeral,
Find a different priest instead...

It's true that Jack enjoys a drink,
And shouting "Feck" and "Arse",
But on "ecumenical matters",
He's the top man in his class.

There's lots of other folk to meet,
So pay us a visit one day
Just sail towards what's left of our coast,
Before it drifts away.

20th birthday tribute for the classic sit-com, Father Ted.

Mar 29

He asks about the missing hour,
And where it could have gone,
We try to reassure him,
It'll turn up later on.

Master Higgs got very concerned last night when he saw us putting the clocks forward.
Mar 20

Patiently, we waited,
In large, expectant crowds,
On cue, the Moon obscured the Sun,
But we couldn't see a thing for clouds.

I hope others had a better view.
I saw bugger all.
Mar 19

With photo-fits and actors,
The cases were revealed,
Then Shaw would ask if we could help,
And tell us to "keep 'em peeled".

RIP Shaw Taylor (1924-2015)


And here's Shaw sending himself up on Tiswas. What a sport!

Mar 10

Of Corrie's entire cast,
Gail has the most tragic past,
Most men that she meets,
Are cads, crooks and cheats,
So let's hope she's found true love at last.

Even by the standards of Soap Opera, Coronation Street's Gail McIntyre seems to be extraordinarily unlucky in love. As I watched her SIXTH wedding day descend into chaos, I therefore decided to write a limerick in her honour. For those unaware of her unfortunate back-story, the following page describes some of her previous romantic disappointments.

Feb 13

Step aside, you little man,
With your dull, suburban life.
Adonis has just landed,
And he's come to take your wife.

She mounts his massive chopper,
They lift up to the sky,
He whisks her off to Paris,
She's so happy she could cry.

First, he takes her shopping,
For lingerie and shoes,
Some handbags and a Blackberry,
Whatever she may choose.

Then it's back to his place,
The wine goes to her head,
Manfully, he carries her,
To his four poster bed.

Romantically, he whispers,
Of Tallis and of Tess,
Suggests she signs a contract,
And then tears off her dress.

He strips her and he whips her,
Yet still she screams for more,
His wild and brutal spanking,
Unlocks her inner whore.

A feminist for all her life,
Yet now she is enslaved,
She satisfies his every wish,
No matter how depraved.

The school run is a world away.
And so are thoughts of you.
She's escaped her former life,
And thinks she's twenty two...

Chapter after chapter,
Of unrelenting SEX,
He's young and rich and powerful,
With perfect arse and pecks!

But eventually, it's over,
The pages are no more.
She crashes back to planet Earth,
And hears you fart and snore.

With all of the hype surrounding the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, I decided to re-post this.

Dedicated to the partners
of the readers
of erotic fiction.
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