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Helen Jul 2014
dripping
upon the tile floor
**the rain has
just
              begun
Helen Jul 2014
I held a gun against my head
and pulled the trigger
but I'm not dead
I laid in a bath of tepid water
slit my wrists
bled like slaughter
I poured petrol from a can
lit a match
a flaming stand
I fell down upon a track
then came the train
I didn't stand back
I strung a rope inside the carport
kicked the chair from my feet
without a thought
I woke up screaming from a nightmare
clawing furrows in my chest
that lay bared
I took some pills and alcohol
and drifted in a void
but still I don't fall
I woke upon each wretched lie
Alive, but dead
Until your *Goodbye
Helen Jul 2014
You don't give it?
Why should you ever?
When has a rats backside
warranted your time?
Like...
           *Never
***.... I just got that saying! lol, no I didn't :)
Helen Jul 2014
It sat empty for so long
the lines became so faded
Memories drift as half sung songs
and reality became jaded

One stoke, two,
a half formed thought
three words, four words
a sentence fought

a think bubbles appears
behind my eyes
exploding with images
my mind denies

another scratch upon the page
another crumpled piece of heart
start again, all over
but these images never depart

All I'm asking is you spill dark secrets
Upon a crisp sheet of white
and if ever you see Red blended
know I didn't lie that night
It's amazing what just a comment can make you feel :)
Helen Jul 2014
I wrote a poem for you, it cried
I painted a picture but it lied
I made a movie of still images
complete with the music I bled
Still, it left so many things unsaid
It wasn't enough for you
It wasn't enough for me
The path unspoken, forever broken
is so easy, in blindness, to see
Another day, someone's heartbeat
washes up silently upon the shore
beached upon an unforgiving earth
they think of Life no more
Each battle scar carved upon flesh
in a moment of Self Flagellation
is an answer to a deeper question
beyond our own imagination
I see you curled upon the floor
I bleed for you, I've been there before
You feel like its not worth it
This Life you have been given
But before you cut it down
Why don't you try living?
Death comes for everyone eventually but Death by thy own hand, before Life gets to share its own Wonder is truly not Death, it's a new start to a whole new Nightmare
Helen Jul 2014
This will not be a flowery prose
Wrapped in an imaginary love heart
This will be my new beginning
Writing this will be a start

This is not a love story
That people love to hate
There is just the start and then the end
In between does not even rate

This is not where I will beg
With flowery words of love forgotten
This is where I’ll say to you
To me, all we had now smells rotten

This will never be a love sonnet
Whispered through the sands of time
But to me, as I remember all to be
It will remind me of you, you slime!

This is not a love poem
No longer even a love song
The bitterness of my tears
Have dragged on far too long

This is not the happy ending
I dreamed of to be true, so
This is where you kiss my ***
While assuming I’ll pine for you
19/08/2010 - going through some of my older writes. I call this my 'angry phase' :)
  Jul 2014 Helen
JM
Supine, wrapped in scarlet,
only eye open, third.

I create her skin, flawless and golden;
her hair becomes the color of midnight
on the ocean,
blood at night.

Suspended, bound in purple,
capitulation, freedom.

These lonely visions, they are cobblestones in my twisted path of memories both past and future, overgrown with weeds of time and worn around the edges; an uneven course winding in and around and back again, with branches, heavy and black,
so black,
on all sides.

Where are you, dearest?

I smell acrylics and oils and linseed
and the windows are open; traffic hums on the hill and your brow is furrowed as your brush caresses the canvas, each stroke, love manifest.

Later, you will sing for me

Fluid, mercurial, she sings and paints
and broods
and pouts
and wipes her cheek with her thumb, smearing alizarin crimson on her pixie face.


Time stops at her beauty

The moment falls into my guts, burrowing into
my insides forever;
the plants by the window,
the deep red smear on my angel,
the sound of camelhair hitting canvas, forever mine now
to cherish and carry
with me as I trudge this
desolate and dreary landscape.

*When I come home,
you will sing for me
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