I yearn
For the taste of a cigarette,
I haven't had it since I was young.
Maybe I'll move away
Start my life separately from her,
Maybe then I can try one.
I don't care that they'll **** me,
Maybe that's why I want them.

I was once told
That to find an attractive title
For something you wrote
Or drew,
Just name it something random.

Something's very wrong
I can feel it
I hardly want to live anymore,
And I'm so close to a relapse.
Stress and hatred
And mostly self loathing
Are all taking their toll.
I just hope I won't give in to
Suicide and Relapse.

I will try
So ***-
So very hard,
To be reserved.
At least
More so.
Because the ****-
The things I say can be quite innapropriate,
And highly unbecoming
Of a young woman to say.

Hello, once lover.
Goodbye, my heart.

Free from the worry
Free from knowledge.
Free from the feelings.
Free from it all.
Free from pain,
Free from pleasure,
Free from satisfaction.
Free of useless, Pent up energy,
Free.
Body spent,
But mind renewed.

My breathing
Hoarse
And my voice--
Course.
Pleasure,
Pain,
Hand in hand.