Sometimes I feel
like I used up all my romance on you
was so naive, so wild for you
always ready to drop everything and come running
whenever you asked
but you never asked
I was already there begging
wanting all of you and more
moving so fast I couldn't catch sight of the lagging
blurred into the background like everything else
it's been over a decade since our skins touched the other's
my cells lost memory a long time ago
but my muscle memory is like a stain
I may have loved others since you
but I've never loved anyone the same
and if I'm being honest
I couldn't love you again
so you remain in the past
and that's where we can always dance

Whispering my secrets into the trees
that grow through the leaves
To later break off and prepare for new life

I want to unravel my brain’s threads
that collectively weigh me down like lead
Turn the strings into blankets,
and make a fort in my living room to shelter inside of.
Every day rituals with intention to gift me peace,
are slowly becoming chores to avoid guilt and grief.
I thought life would be so different.
I never thought it would be this hard;
and while b0mbs fall on children,
I’m feeling sorry for myself and my deck of cards.
I'm daydreaming in dystopia.

When I think of memories
depicting feelings of my personal freedom
there’s always a cool breeze in my hair
and when the day is over
there’s a musty scent in my hair
from soaking in every step I took
and every dance I twirled under the prairie sky
I’m always chasing that feeling
my lungs opening up into wings
catching my breath so my freedom sings
but reality soaks through all good things
and capitalism makes us all prisoners
a country divided keeps raising up the controllers
and we continue on in our division
petty crimes making up mass incarceration
dangerous men walking free and calling it justice
I'm tired of this
I wanna believe in good intentions
I wanna believe in honest testimony
tears covering up lies and misery loving company
we keep running in different directions competing in the same race
telling those born without boots to pull them up by their straps
while they're licking the boots of the man

Racing as fast as I can
to a finish line I'll never cross
always feeling like I gotta let people know
about every win and every loss
Main character syndrome that plagues me
an ego that has broken others
while completely shattering me
Putting my foot in my mouth
out of pride or jealousy
and when I see too much of my shadow
I'm right back to running
And while strong is a way I'm often perceived
so much of my actions feel cowardly
And
I'm not proud, I want to be
But
I'm learning
Growing, healing

Last vehicle in the carpool
and I'm in the back seat
thousands of people deep
for front seats to the next season of life
all waiting to move out and on
not even sure where we are going
just gotta keep moving...
and I may not be not religious
but I'm always praying
perhaps not to anything godly
but I'd like to think
there's something listening

My worries hold a *****
and have been digging into my bones,
settling in and getting cozy,
as if returning home.
I'd like to say I feel the same,
but I'm far from comfort here;
I'd like to say I've got an exit,
but I can't find any that are near.
There's far to many steps to take,
and I've got anchors in my chest;
I'll run out of air before I'm able
to not feel like such a mess.