At the end of a long day
and night soaked in tears
its always you
that I find
myself searching for
hoping to see you
at the bottom of
my drink or
lighting up my phone

Nobody can ever match up
or stand up
to you
even though you have
not taught me what love looks like
instead what love feels like
that is,
you do not show me love or
hold it in the palm of your hand
I feel it when I sit across from you
and laugh

i will wade out
                        till my thighs are steeped in burning flowers
I will take the sun in my mouth
and leap into the ripe air
                                       Alive
                                                 with closed eyes
to dash against darkness
                                       in the sleeping curves of my body
Shall enter fingers of smooth mastery
with chasteness of sea-girls
                                            Will i complete the mystery
                                            of my flesh
I will rise
               After a thousand years
lipping
flowers
             And set my teeth in the silver of the moon

Trips to New York City
Audrey Hepburn
Online shopping and
weekends I cried my soul out
My walls tell a story

Quotes that made me feel something
tickets from my
happiest days
Fabric birds from a place
where my heart belongs
My walls tell a story

How my ex boyfriends mom
treated me like her own daughter
Days my dad treated me
like his daughter
My walls tell a story

Tucked away in the top drawer
on the right hand side of my desk
is a photo that tells the beginning of the story
it used to be a piece of the map on my wall
but now, it sleeps hidden
beneath my wall of tales and better times
It marked the beginning
of what I believed to be my happy ending
the week I'll never forget
It still tells a story,
our story but
doesn't deserve to be on display
only taken out for the eyes that I choose
I hide all of my folded photos,
my stained memories

my drawers are over filling with misconceptions and insecurities
My drawers tell a story

I need to clean up but my back hurts my heart aches
My floor tells a story

I'm just too tired
It's best I sleep
My bed tells a story

All while I remain silent  
I'm trying to forget why I
feel sad but I keep tripping
over my regrets and
Old mistakes

I'm sick of these stories
Get rid of these stories
Break down my walls
Happy times are mocking me cause
I don't feel happy any more
Can't make good memories anymore
Cause the people I made them with
left and left my walls shaking
crumbling but reminding me
My walls tell a story

I saw you in my dream last night
and now all I can think of is
our pixie dust encounter cause
we were so in love,
in my dream
We were so alive,
in my dream
But I woke up and
I was still alive -
still breathing
Not dreaming cause
I don't need you
Just want you
Just miss you

I'm flattered cause
I hurt you and
you forgave me
I didn't need you and
you still came back
But there is no flattery in
mediocrity
You're so much more miraculous
than your efforts
I'm just looking for reciprocity

You can barely take care of yourself
Barely feed yourself
How can I expect you to
care for me when
you seem to mistake
alcohol for water?

Crowded rooms may make you feel
like you're being swaddled
by a thousand arms but
I can tell you that there is no warmth like
being held by someone who
loves you back or
being held by someone who
can make you laugh
and has seen you cry
Being held by two small arms and
a girl filled with fire will make you feel
like you're dreaming
before you even shut your eyes
We've been there before -
arms entangled
heart strings entangled
forced by Time to
let go but stay entangled

I don't think you've forgotten just
Ran away and strangled
with new girls who
haven't seen you cry
Cause there's obligation in devotion

You don't wanna hurt someone who's
helped you through it all before
Don't wanna hurt someone
thats healed you

There's no denying
you love me
You told me so
just a few months back

I'm the girl in your dreams
We just meet in our dreams cause
We're both one part courage, one part broken and
there's nothing sleeping can't fix so
I sleep, to see you
I sleep, to fix you

We wake up alone, go to sleep alone
You're sick of counting sheep, well so am I
Why do we hide beneath the sheets that
we've been between together
I remember what you said between mine:
that you've always felt this way
Three years you've felt this way
Three years of telling me 'bout your girlfriends still
you've always felt this way

It wasn't a dream
I'll keep on waking up missing you
Cause you keep depending on
time and place when
what's important is time and faith
I guess I'll keep sleeping,
Cat napping and
Day dreaming

I sleep to dream of the day when I
won't wake up missing you when I
won't go to sleep talking to you through a screen when I
won't doubt that you'll stay or
that we're on the same page cause
we'll be in the same bed
Though, I've learned from experience that sharing space and
sharing feelings aren't mutually exclusive

Dad leaving taught me not to expect forever but Dad doing his best forced me to learn to forgive
So maybe that's why I see the good in the people that are worst for me cause I learned to love Dad through the hurt
Learned love like forgiveness I mean
forgiveness is my love language so
I can't love until I've been wronged first

I've learned gypsy love
I have loved across borders and
in between so many walls, my love has no home
My love is in the air between everyone I meet
I mean everyone that leaves
I forgive everyone that leaves

I'm ready to run and dance
which is to say I'd rather dance cause
I can never forgive myself for running
Though I've made a ***** habit of it

All this moving, vagabond exploring, has got me tired
maybe it's best I sleep -
Sleep and dream so I can love in stillness
like laying next to you and feeling your chest expand
Lungs dancing but feet still
I am not going anywhere, I will not run
from you
or after you
So now, let's rest
I'll dream forgiveness