I heard that if you do something everyday,
You'll become good at it.
Therefore, I could play my guitar once a day
Or I could paint trees at 3am during a month
And later become really good at it.
So I'll write something here everyday,
Until, someday, this notebook (and my mind)
Will be filled with beautiful things
Instead of messy thoughts
(although, sometimes, those can be beautiful too).

I want to know myself.
I touch every inch of my body
I touch every inch of my soul
All the dusty places that were once forgotten
There are some open wounds
They hurt, so I try not to press them
But sometimes I can't help it

Feelings I don't know or understand
Thoughts I'd rather forget

I am made of those little things
I am what I feel
I am what I don't know
I am what I can't understand

this has gone too far
why do I keep checking if you're still breathing?

Dead... - they said

I held your hand
it was so cold
your eyes were now blank - empty
is your heart still pumping?
the tears roll down across my face

Dead. - I said to myself

When you look at me
Do you still see the person you adored?

Do you still see the person who adored you no matter what?

The person with whom you talked hours and hours until sunrise?

The person who tried to help you?


So if you do...
Please don't leave

PLEASE

I DIDN'T LEAVE

**I   AM     H E R E

you’re like a disease
deep down in my throat, you keep me from skeaping
deep inside my chest, you keep me from breathing
you’re in my lungs
you’re in my veins
you make my bones ache
you make me feel weak and sick

and,
there is no way I can deny it,


I’m dying

When I die,
She won't cry

Because for her,
Life is just a big word
She can't pronounce
Although,
They're just four letters
(2 consonants 2 vowels)
Together
A little word
Capable of
Making my bones ache

Because for her,
Life ain't a pain in the back
It ain't something
She's tired of

Infortunetly,
For me,
It is.

So when I'm gone,
Don't stay by my side
Waiting for me
To wake up

*******
i hate all of you
you're so happy without me
i can see it

when i'm gone don't ******* say you miss me
because all of you ******* hated me
and honestly
so did i