you may have
wandered your way
into my late night cabs
and the quiet confines of my mind
in the back's of buses-
but rest assured
the weather's only getting warmer
and i soar over the east river
with the windows down
pull the hurricane hair from my mouth
with the fingers that grazed you wine-drunk
(assured my heart an infallible compass,
blessed our love an under-dog's triumph)
but know the music's loud,
and i wear my smirk like a god given right
while the goosebumps
half a dead pigeon
has indented itself in the gravel lot next door
and every day at dusk, when i run my sacred shower,
(with the lights off and windows open
and otis redding echoing through the empty house)
i have to watch the black static tide of flies
swim around one of it's upward bent wings.
the first time i saw it my jaw dropped and repulsion choked my throat closed-
disturbed by it's total disgrace,
i slammed the window shut
and preferred to gaze at tile grime to pass the time.
but from the days that followed,
i managed to muster up respect
and acknowledged that this
battered half of a bird
was now a variable in my scenery
(praise be to impermanence)
the sunset drowns everything in it's hazy blood orange
and the wind floods the trees and fills the underside of the bridge with sound,
and i stand naked in the warmth,
singing boldly out of key, twisting hot water out of my hair,
as the summer breeze politely invades my privacy.
so i salute the pigeon, say i wish you the best.
and embrace the weight and fullness of my happiness,
and know well i am more than body and voice,
and watch it sink further into the arms of the earth each night.
grateful to know that death doesn't end life.
i never really knew nonchalance
until approximately twenty minutes into ever
having had the pleasure
of your existence
"i'll have to teach you how to surf"
you mentioned casually, sounding perfectly genuine-
which alone was enough to startle me
knowing you were leaving the country
before the water would ever be warm enough
the far rockaways?
my mind's eye gave a grimace and half a laugh at the thought-
but my affections were melting through your fingers.
you stopped us abruptly on the sidewalk,
halted all conversation
and crept up
(as if you had a hundred times)
on to some random brooklyn woman's stoop
and ripped a few leaves off of one of her plants.
i stood idle, feeling warmer suddenly,
trying to disguise any semi-shocked expression i may or may not have emoted..
and watched as you returned
with the most unmistakable grin
and two sleepy little leaves in your palm.
without hesitation you began chewing on one,
while handing me mine
and i listened as you detailed the experience with an ecstatic moan of pleasure.
i knew it was a mint leaf,
but still asked anyway
i don't remember if you confirmed,
feeling so bewildered by the strange glowing glory of you
but i ate it obediently,
as if it were naturally in my personality
to never question eating an unfamiliar plant
from the unfamiliar hand of a man
whom i was most unfamiliarly falling in love with.
I am a wind up doll
Placed on the shelf with nothing to do at all
I'm made from wood that was polished and painted
But I'm still plain, old and a bit faded
I have a faded golden pin stuck in my back
If wound up, it makes me walk
Walk, talk, sing, breathe, feel
It makes me real
And it makes me help you with anything you need
And do whatever you want me to do
Sounds nice, does it not?
To have a doll to do what you wish
Just wind her up whenever you need her
She'll always be there on the shelf waiting
And won't go anywhere
I am nothing but a wind up doll
Who cannot wind herself up
If I need someone to wind me up
So I can move, breathe or feel for myself
There is no one
They only wind me up when they need me
For I am just a wind up doll
A sad, lonely, miserable wind up doll
if you can promise me privacy,
then i can lend you all of me.
i could be the miscalculated rain,
intended for the sea-
but destined to be
splattered on a window,
exploded like the galaxy.
did i paint the pretty picture
in a way that you can only see?
pull me in, pull me close-
and strip me of my sensory.
if this is it, let's make the most-
and shred up old philosophies.
while i still have cancer-less breasts,
let's look past the human fallacy.
while my heart throbs with unrest,
come divide me with your symmetry.
while i still produce a shadow,
while blood still floods the wound,
while we still have tomorrow,
paint the words to me in truth
am i bound to live my life with a craned neck?
stiff from that which i no longer possess?
scared of the sunrise, starving for the sunset?
i'll never know the presence of now
unless you teach me to forget.
You’re smiling at me so sweetly
I look into your eyes and I fall in love
Swept away my emotions
Escaped my world to get lost with you in yours
I fell in love
Everything is so blissful and happy
Smiles, hearts and love everything
I can’t get enough of you
You can’t get enough of me
We are in love
Walls break down
We’re out of our shell
We’re in that comfort zone
I trust you
Is it true love?
Fighting, screaming, problems
We’re took each other for granted
Disagreements, mistakes, pain
We won’t stop arguing
Stop, remember our love
You’re who I want to spend my life with
And no one can replace you
We’ll work it out
We’ll make up
Because you’re the one I love
Remove the clothes off your quivering body
Deluge yourself in the blazing hot water
And for a moment, just a moment
Feel your problems momentarily melt away
Just stand there and cry
No one can see your tears here
No one can hear you weeping over the sound of the shower
I love hot showers
They give me a moment to get away
From all my problems, pain, sadness
It’s just me
Me and the hot water
I can feel it melting me
It stings, but I like it
The hot water fogs the mirror
Wipe the glass
Look yourself in the eyes and see the flicker of happiness
But only for a moment
Then they get dull and lifeless again
For you can’t stand to look at the person you've become
Darling, lets pretend that I'm happy
Shall we make a game of it?
I'll face all the pain with a smile on my face
Don't worry, my love, for you won't see a single tear fall
But, just because it isn't seen doesn't mean it isn't there
Because sometimes even the rain falls silently
Without a single sound
But fare not, I won't lose the game
I'll smile my sweetest smile
And look you in the eyes
Do not worry, darling
I will be fine.
Do you see them?
Do you hear the screaming?
Beautiful yet terrifying
It makes a chill go down your spine
Everyone is hiding
Everyone is scared of the pain
Flee, my love, don't let them get you
Flee and leave me behind
For I won't run
And I won't hide
What makes me stand here so fearlessly?
The fact that my nightmares already became reality.