Honesty
Look at me. What do you see?
Do you see the calm, cool and collected girl in front of you?
That's what they all see.
I look at you. What do I see?
I watch you laugh at the jokes I force upon us to fill the silence.
That's what I always see.
Look at me. What do you see?
Do you see the confidence of a girl with an easy life?
That's what they all see.
I look at you. What do I see?
I see in your eyes the contentment of your soul; the heart of a life that is full.
That is what I always see.
Look at me. What do you see?
Can you see my green eyes on the verge of spilling over ready to expose my lonely soul?
Don't worry, no one ever sees.
My life is sober
Here my heart is on display
Please pass me a drink
This is possibly
the stupidest idea in
all of literature
“one becomes
forever
responsible for what
one
captivates”
nonsense,
and it was not written for you
(I knew it all along)
don’t steal me
from us
don’t forget there is always
something
beyond you
I was there
(since the beginning)
I am also
entitled
to the blame
and I COULD have done
otherwise.
But why should I
when
you have
the loveliest weaknesses
&
you
have the most
charming
flaws
&
your shivery hubris
was the thing I most closely touched
that resembled love?
Be happy,
dear,
be kind to yourself:
(You’re adorable
when you break.)
don’t be so possessive
about beauty
and pain.
I
just want to dance.
Feel each rhythm inside my veins,
pump no blood, but the soul that's been
dead for ages.
Move in slow motion,
jump to stay still,
combat boots in the air,
crowd surfing the faces of passion.
I just want to dance,
have the muzik be a funeral
to all of my stoned anguish,
have it be the only layer,
that can make love
to my skin.
Long hair being curled
by the sound waves,
eye lashes never blinking,
for this is no time
to bring into the past.
Smell of sweat and
flowers drenching the air,
Giving me goosebumps,
taking away my sins,
ah music,
a heaven's whore.
after a while everything about them fades
the hand holding
the kisses
the I love you mores
and the
you hang up firsts
time erases it all
it turns it into a memory
and eventually a blur
the feel of you against me
faded
I lost the outline of your lips
so why is it
that I can still
trace the outline
of your voice
when it is silent
before I sleep?
I understand that you want to protect me,
that you don't want me to get hurt.
its time to face whats already in front of you,
I'm older than you pretend I am.
You control my every movement,
like I'm you're marionette.
Though the strings have been cut,
you continue to pull on me.
Do you realize at some point,
I will be in control?
I hate
depending on someone else
for my personal happiness.
I hate that
I can't fully appreciate the present
because half of me is somewhere else,
half of my heart is with you
because I gave it to you
and I can't fully be happy
when you're not here with me.
I hate
thinking about you all the time
I have my own needs to think about.
I hate
being tied down
to your love
unable to freely explore the rest of the world
to experience other love,
other amazing people.
I am a bird
I have always loved flying solo
but now I have a partner to carry
and I am sad.
Because I believe in freedom. in adventure. in
exploring the unknown.
But I don't even know if I want that anymore.
I would give it all up for you.
Am I not giving up a part of me too?
the part with wings,
with eyes eager to see more
the part of me that so longs to be free.
My heart is torn
between you and me.
Whom do I love more?
When you talk to other girls,
I am terribly afraid you'll fall in love with them
instead of me.
I want to laugh at all of your jokes,
just so you'll realize that I appreciate you.
I am desperately trying to get you to talk to me.
I can say all I want but
one-sided conversations won't last long.
I've wished a dozen times that
you would take me to the movies.
I'm hoping you will somehow decide that
you need me in your life.
I am enamored with you,
but I'm too afraid to say it.
The tawdry. tangled tale all told
they watched the manic mayhem, cold...
frozen in the fastening, of shackles
strong and iron clad
Each choosing neither good nor bad...
not in blissful haze or sadness dwell
just floating in the ether t'ween
what should have had
and
might have been...
The only comfort comes from tears
sweetly seasoning the after years...
of not knowing what becomes of them
Becoming lover
Becoming friend
Becoming ever honest... true
from what
they only
have been through.
today,
you picked up the
phone.
you actually wanted to speak with me
like a human
i know this moment will not last forever,
i know tomorrow, or the day after,
you will somehow hate me again..
but i just want to write this,
fresh off the memory lane,
untouched by the meat hooks.
you laughed today,
you gave me a pep talk.
was it because you found out i'm carrying
a tumor that is similar to your existence?
similar to the one that nearly killed my ma?
but you laughed today,
you told me, everything will be alright.
because you believe so.
this makes me smile
but so often
from one smile, resurfaces a billion frowns.
thank you though,
for picking up the phone,
today.
