Like in the dead of night when I put one leg out into the brisk air because combined with your body heat,
The blanket is just too warm.
I feel exposed but hidden all the same.
Or when I push one sleeve up my arm, but keep the other hidden beneath the cloth because the evidence would smack you too hard in the face.
I don’t want you to feel the pain that I’ve kept hidden.
I feel shielded, but barely; behind a veil that is trying to reveal the hurt I’m sheltering because you were just too naïve to believe I’d sank that low.
The ocean pulls the anchor from the ship and gravity helps.
I can’t see the bottom, but I know I’m close.
Nothing is what I feel for you
When people ask,
But acually there is a lot of things
And there still is some love left too,
I use to know you
I use to do everything with you
From tubing to just hanging out,
I use to be yours
I use to be that girl you once loved
And now I'm just another girl,
Before I screwed it all up
You use to be in love with me.
Memories is what I have from you,
They're killing me inside
Cause you made the world spin,
I keep going back
Because thats the only way,
You were always there forr me
I just wish you still were,
I lost you
And this is just not working,
All the things im losing
You just took them from me.
Something is what I want from you,
Maybe a conversation,
Showing a sign maybe,
I dont know what to do
And not knowing is helping,
So I need to know
If you wanna keep trying or not,
Nothing is all I'm ever getting
And Nowhere is all were reaching.
He was the kind of man who
Rarely said, “I love you” first.
Hearing him say those three
Magic little words before I did
Always caught me off guard,
Like a child digging in the
Cookie jar and getting caught
Red handed by his mother.
I smile like the child does
When he’s finally allowed
A cookie for dessert.
The love we shared
Was like a family
Before it had even began.
I am the child that grins
Every time I’m allowed a cookie
And he is the mother that
Always gives in to my cravings.
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I get it now
So wake me up
Before I lose it all
I might not get a second time around.
I know what's going to happen
So please make it all go away
Its going to go away right?
My heart is falling apart
And can fix it
If only you can take away this nightmare
It will be perfectly fine.
I dont know how to fix it myself
Cause right when I let go and move on
Something always makes me remember
Someone always brings it up.
Just give me advice
Tell me what I should do
Please,I can't do it alone.
I guess I don't get it
But when I do i'll wake up
I gotta figure it out before I lose it all
Cause I might not get a second time around.
In these stuck between hours
I discover the noise of being
that comes from an atmosphere
not used to being heard
The warping of the wooden doors
goes on unabashedly.
Like animals in untouched climes
they scurry along unaware
of conscious eyes that stare
only for selfish reasons
The observer adulterates
a once selfless night
Nowadays the timbers under
the floor have lost their
native timbre, taken on
a softer echo of carpet covered servility
Even after mistakes are recovered,
these once savage floors can no longer reclaim
any primal creak after being tucked into
domesticity for so long with soft footsteps of children
paired with repressed stomps of soul-starved adults
left cold by countless other floors never once
imbued with the life of a home.
I've seen a wolf get kicked
He whimpers and then he is silent
But he howls in his silence
My mouth is closed
My chin is down
I have learned my lesson
But listen closely
Really tilt your ear into my chest
And you will hear a howl
A howl of the strongest resolve
I am the wolf that was stupid
I am the wolf that got kicked
I will whimper and be silent
My howl is now for me
I let my nails grow long
And the polish fade and chip away.
I did not cut them or file them down.
I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.
Not until you returned.
But in time, they snagged on clothes.
They became jagged from breaking.
I bit them until
I could not deal with them any longer.
So I did what I said I wouldn’t.
I cut my nails and
I painted them again.
I started over.
Three years have gone by.
A little over one thousand days
And it’s been thirty-six months.
I don’t know why I’m still counting
Each dawn that passes by.
I don't know why you haven’t called
To tell me that you miss me
And that you want me back.
But I do know that slowly the nights add up
And soon it will be forty-eight months
One thousand four hundred sixty days.
It’ll be four years
And I will still be wondering why
We haven’t spoken.
Your fingers sift through my hair
Like wind drifts through a meadow.
You speak like the sparrow calls in the distance
And your touch is soft as a butterfly wing.
You smell sweet like after the rain
But it is your breaths that take mine away.