You could make my world fall apart
Or you could give me a brand new start.
Things are going up and down
And I'm fighting for something that can't be found.
Look in my eyes and tell me you're here
'Cause it almost feels like I'm losing you, Dear.
I can tell there's something wrong in the air
And all I can do is just sit and stare.
I wish you could tell me what is on your mind
Because I hate feeling like I'm deaf, dumb, and blind.
By the light of the moon,
I will feel better.
When the clouds give way to its red, crescent shape
I shall no longer feel alone.
My pain is not so foreign,
Instead, it has been replaced with something familiar.
Thousand's litter my body,
Appearing with each new cycle of despair,
To be captured by a photographer,
Forever to scar my once perfect skin.
Now I can cry for something new.
These tears are for a pain that makes sense.
S tronger than myself,
You chain me to your wrist and
Narrow my vision
Until all I see is your sadistic face through the tunnel and
Those malicious brown eyes
Above thin, chapped, upturned lips.
T ainting my face, you do,
Painting with tears of both
Joy from your eyes and
The frustrated loss of hope that claims to be mine,
Which I proceed to rub with a scalding cloth
Until raw, I become
So I can claim to be blonde when people question if they saw and
Make a narrow escape from shame.
R un, I cannot; and
However cunning I may be,
You will still be on my tail,
Nose to the ground and posterior in the air,
Gaining speed at an unnerving pace,
Until my skinny knees clatter and
I violently shake,
Vomiting on myself,
Either from exhaustion or fear,
However, the later holds more ground.
E ven my breath becomes yours and
My dreams are at your mercy.
Consider my plea,
Lucky are thee to have me beg,
Thrown to the ground where dirt may stain my face,
An honor rarely reserved for anyone, but
You hold over me all I wish to have.
S neaking past all my guards
In elaborate disguises,
Thrown around in white and
Handed out with smiles,
I run like a fool into you,
Wrapping my arms in a tight embrace,
Greeting you like a friend who hides a knife.
S uffocating under your pressure,
I find myself screaming out.
In the darkest corner, I wish to hide,
Buried in words that cannot hurt,
Contrary to your bitter whispers and
Pestering bites.
Like a wound you fester
Deep beneath my skin.
Yes, I cannot take it.
Under your pressure,
I make myself mute.
Personification and imagery, my two favorite things, all in one(:
Wish,
you loved
me like,
I thought you did.
Should've
blown my brains out.
When all these
crazy thoughts
started singing
in my mind.
If I was in the right place.
I would have,
but I didn't.
Now.I.Suffer.
Thanks, for the stab in the back.
See you in the great below.
Today you told me you want something real
And when I’m with you that’s just how I feel.
I feel real, and loved, and a great sense of pride!
When I’m with you I get all these butterflies.
I look at you and my head starts spinning
And I can’t tell who is really winning.
We agreed that it was all just pretend
But now I don’t know if I want this to end.
It’s 5am and my thoughts you still taunt
But every day it’s my heart that you haunt.
I search in my dreams but you cannot be found.
I try to scream that I love you without making a sound!
I have all of these others to occupy my time
But when I’m with you I can really unwind.
You talk like you’re ready to soon dissappear
But all I really want is for you to stay here.
My problem is, can I stay committed?
I don’t even know how you can really admitt it…
You say you still love her, but you want another?
I thought that was why we were here for eachother.
You can see us together, you’ve told me before.
Now I wish you would tell me that it’s time for more…
I think I lied and I fear that I’m losing,
Or maybe I’m just greedy, it’s all so confusing.
I don’t think I’m ready to stop all my fun,
But sometimes I wish you were my only one.
When everything
is said and
done.
Gone
Faded.
Jaded.
Decayed.
Dead.
Wish.
I was.
Just remember,
I didn't chose to
be brought into this.
You just forced me through the
crack-hole.
&
Yanked me out nine months later.
Sometimes, I hate both of you for this.
I blot people onto me, just to buff them away. Soakin em, and pressin em on.
Dabbin, pressin, soakin, like temporary tattoos.
Easy to apply, and pretty to look at.
Fun to show off, without any commitments, and then I just let em peel away after some time.
After their bright pigment fades, or their adhesive fails, I just rub em off.
Scratch em with my fingernails sometimes, when I get impatient.
Rub, scratch, off. Now, right now. I’m tired of lookin at you, feelin you on my skin.
I wore you for a bit,
Now it’s time for a new one.
Rub, scratch, dab, press, soak, press again again again.
Skin red, dry skin rub rub dab dab dab peel peel dab peel.
And then,
the ones I like the most, the most beautiful, the most vibrant,
color, color, color.
Purple, green.
purple purple
Purple,
are the ones I try to keep the longest,
they’re always the quickest to fade,
and to peel,
and to fail.
Fail fail fail, come unglued.
Keep em out of the sunlight, outta the wind. In the dry. But they peel.
Peel peel peel, fail.
They fail.
And then,
I can’t find others quite like em. So I press on any old picture. Any color.
Gray, red, yellow, blue. Not quite right, no blue, no citron, no salmon.
Not quite purple enough.
Not quite green.
Not quite, never quite the same.
The same purple, the same green.
Just soak soak soak soak,
Press. Peel.
Until, again, something might feel right.
& Oh,
my frost bitten
lungs,
lose their breath.
In all of your
nostalgic air.
It's a scary/cut/throat
feeling on a cool,
November morning.
But I swear to you,
have never seemed so clear
to me.
Maybe, I'm just
day-dream-dream-dreaming
again.
But I swear,
the frost clouds of cigarette
smoke you blew in my face,
Yesterday.
Looked just like a flock of
upside down <3's.
Just some
secret-smoke-signals
from across the state.
If you were here
&
they were gone.
Someday,
that's a wonderful
thought.
Quite often,
a memory of you will to settle on my forehead
while I am trying to sleep, and it is as though the thought pervades
my skull and slithers through me, settling in the space between
my aching joints. There is no greater form of incapacitation. More than anything,
I wish to rise up and sprint for miles and miles, with no destination, until my body
mutinies against itself and wretches you out onto the filthy asphalt. But I cannot.
I shake off the thought, and like a persistent fly it only finds its way back to my deadened hide to lay down its pestilence.
Last night, like so many others,
I had to set my thoughts to flame, and watched your vestiges lightly float away
on disorienting billows of smoke
as I drifted into restless sleep. Yet, they return every time,
like falling ashes
reassembling themselves in images and unspoken words, crafting feelings more forlorn and frightening than before.
Leave me, darling,
For love me
I know
you
cannot.
I close my eyes and
try to see her face again.
She is lost to me.
