He hasn't buried the baby within
but today he buried the ashes of his baby
crying like a baby
as the river devoured the bone dusts
and all the remnants
of the cuddles and kisses
hollowing him to remember
the guest of his blood
that would feed on his grief
for the rest of his life.

I am searching for something long lasting in this disposable world.
We have instant messages and fast food.
we are lacking things that are longer lasting things are made of cheap plastic , not anything fantastic or made to last.
Our friendship's can be too quickly pushed aside or become like strangers when the tide comes in.
When will we want something more permanent
When will we hold onto something more lasting, instead of things like cheap plastic and the disposable.
We need to hang on and hold on to what is worthwhile and not what can just be bought.
It is just a cheap Imitation and is just disposable.
It is time to reach for what is real and tell your Loved ones how you feel.

I still can't go there.
To that little swatch of grass
bathed in sunlight
without even a dappling of shade
It seems like a  green field of memories
with almost no one left to remember
Even the words  subscribed on the tiny brass plaques
seem somehow belittling  
With them set into the ground
for the convenience of mowers
to pass over
It makes her seem
so inconsequential
that she shouldn't trouble the groundskeeper
with her monument
It makes me think of the mundane consequences of death
that overshadow the greatness of life
Like the simple economics
of  maintenance
I can't look at the life of such a beautiful women
summed up in such a small way
it seems  so common
so trite
I know that she would have told you
that she was common
but she wasn't
She had a greatness in her soul and being
that transcended the normal
that transcends death
I am overwhelmed by that little plaque
and it's insignificance
Enough to paralyze me from going there
I know that if I see it it will push
the other memories from my mind  
and supplant her
She will become a place in a cemetery
with a little map on the grounds keeping shed
gridded and numbered
number 6 in row B
a little part of the order in a small field
and I can't have that

You were my rock
my shoulder boulder
eroded over time by mental health
that crept into the room by stealth
but remember all we talked about
you were the foundation
the building blocks
the "we can do this".

Navigate the spell of despair
bear the insignia with pride
dispel and expel the mental scars to bare
we were a team dude
you were my rock in the storm
we were shorn from the same cloth
you and I.

Never ones to shelter from the thunderstorm
arms outwards, dancing in hedonistic pleasure
revel in the present and like Leftfield said:
Release The Pressure.

We were Gods mate, legends in our own time
I am left to decipher why man why
you felt so alone you couldn't reach out
to family, to a friend and have a good cry;
I would've held you mate
like you held me that day.

I had a call from an unknown number
I picked it up in random wonder
to be told your body was found this morning
attached to a home-made rope
feet in shadow by your painted awning
utterly gutted
my brain waves disrupted
that my Sifu, my Teacher, My Friend
life was suddenly spent.

I just sent a letter of poems
for you to read with my consent.

I feel lost.
I feel broken.
The demons we talked about
I've kept them in control
now out of control
the devils have awoken.

You were my friend
like a brother
from another mother

I am left to wonder
where are you now
but know now that your pain has ceased
there will always be a jigsaw piece
of the blue sky missing;
go with God my friend
and forever rest in peace.

No one knows how it happens..

One day you'll love.
Fragments of you will,
Fall like hail storms,
Fall like meteor showers,
Fall like asteroids to the earth.

In that moment,
You will let it destroy you.
Instead of seeking asylum,
You will embrace its torture,
Because you know that,
You are helpless.
Nothing you do will,
Change the way,
You feel about that person.

You will let it take you.
You will let it damage you.
You will let it bore holes in your chest
Because you know,
There is nothing you can do.

But when that person you love
Does not love you back.
Does not have the slightest idea as to,
How hard you've actually fallen.
How easily their smile weakens,
How dark your world becomes without them
Fault lines shift under the pressure
Each heartbeat is its own earthquake
Every tear drop is its own aftershock
Threatening tsunamis.
And they don't even know,
How much they hurt you.

They tear your world apart,
And your heart transforms like origami,
Into something dark and vicious.
Pain elevates resembling,
Category 5 hurricanes.
All hopes of happiness,
Falls down like thin three trunks
In the ferocious winds of rejection.

You love sweetly,
But break easily.
The torment of a broken heart
Cannot be calculated.

When that person does not love you,
As much as you love them.
The blood under your skin,
Flows like river rapids.

You can't sleep
Because the exchange is
Loud in your ears
You are reminded of your failure,
Every time you look around and
That person is no where near..
But you will never wish the love away.
It keeps you going day by day
What will living be without the lament?

You are afraid of going outside.
Even when its sunny out.
Even when the worst of the storms have passed.
Not because your scared of drowning,
But because you are scared,
Of being burned by warmth of the sun.
Scared that your scars will be seen by everyone.
Scared that your tears,
Will one day wake your happiness,
from hibernation.

Eventually,
Even though it takes forever.
Because forever is all you need.
You will scream,
Hard enough to cause,
An avalanche in your chest,
Shake the dust from your vocal chords.
Someone will,
Love the way,
Your battered voice sounds.
You'll hate the idea of someone new,
Until someone new comes along.