Losses make me cry

They rend my heart apart
and make me want to die

But losses also make me learn
and grow and yearn

for the the wins that are surely to come
i’ll just have to wait for some more time.

- Vijayalakshmi Harish
31/07/2012
Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish

There is no telling,
just how long I have,
every second with you,
could be my last.

They say there's no answer,
to this disease,
which flows through my veins,
flows through me.

Spent the last couple days thinking,
about it all.
So this is really the end,
my final fall.

I'm sorry I have to leave you,
but this isn't the end.
I know we'll both be together,
someday again.

Why did God choose me!?
Why can't it be,
someone else!?
I can't leave my family!
Why can't it be,
someone else!?

There's no reason,
for me to die!
So why,
why,
why,
why did he,
why did he choose me!?

I don't understand why,
just give me a sign!
Why!?
Why?
Why...?

I dreamt that I'd tell you,
  I dreamt I'd convince you.
I dreamt you would love me
and I too would love you.
I dreamt of perfection,
a dream so romantic.
I dreamt you would smile
and carefully panic.
I dreamt you would hug me.
  I dreamt we would both see,
together we're better -
  I dreamt you weren't choosy.
I dreamt up the ways
of how I could tell you.
I dreamt up bouquets
and a time and place too.
I dreamt that I told you.
  I dreamt that I could do.
I dreamt that it happened.
  I dreamt of a breakthrough.

instead i told you
at 3am   drunk   on facebook
*and i took it back the next morning

like an old burnt up cigar
nothing there
just smoke in air
gone
like yesterday and yesterdays yesterday
time
now past
it cannot last
gone
go away
gone for good
gone at last
gladly gone
gone to pass

Run from suffering
and from pain.
Say Goodbye to the clouds,
if they will not bring rain.
No salt without saltiness.
No love without caress.
Fight for what is,
gone be what is not.
If you spend your life waiting,
you’re going to rot.
So keep on moving
and keep your head cool.
A rock that keeps rolling
makes moss it’s fool.

I want to be haunted by you.

Want you to...

Sit down beside me, 'til I feel your presence in the air.
Watch me remember you, So you can see I still care.
Caress me in passing, leaving chills on my spine.
Visit my dreams, make me believe that you're still mine.

     Haunt me daily, and keep this loneliness at bay.
     Haunt me nightly, until my desire goes away.

I want to be haunted by you, so I can ignore the pain
Haunt me please, so I can pretend that nothing has changed.



© Tina Thompson

Tonight, I was made aware of my lonliness,
Or my lonliness was made aware of me,
Either/Or, I'll walk like confidence cause it's all I've got everything to lose,
No one needs to know how this feels,

These words will haunt you...
Your lust will haunt you...
My absence will haunt you...

Like a ghost inside of your head,
Your vanity showed through,
You packed up and started new,
And I'm still here, teary-eyed, and wondering why,
So don't blame me because I'm ******* bitter,
And I'm demanding some answers.

Don't try to fulfill my memory,
Because you are just a memory,
Don't express your love for me,
Because it's something you'll regret,
Don't let yourself feel special,
Because you're just something I'll forget...

Smile.
I miss always being behind one,
But I'm too tempermental by the things you say to me,
There's always another happiness to **** time,
And I'm convinced you can't bite your tongue,
But you just as easily bit mine.

Lay down, think of silly things, and feel seventeen,
Stop moving and don't breathe, it's so serene,
For all we know we were built to last,
But I'm the only one to acknowledge that,
I wouldn't hurt so often if I didn't mean it,
But those words are as tender as the scars on your wrists.

Unpredictable.
You ask, "Will my car drive today?"
My reply, "I don't know. Will my heart die today?"

Now 20
not quite 21
I do not expect
to know all the world
and all its ways
but,
I do know, 2 or 3
things about life
and how all things work.
There’s struggle,
hand over fist
and the good
is precious
uncommon, its value
gives it the power
to overcome,
and it can.
Change is constant
friends today are rivals tomorrow
or just drift away, sinking to another life
love fades quickly in times unwavering light
so does life.
Why then,
knowing these things that I do,
am I surprised?
like a host
showing up to his cancelled party
unaware of its status.
I knew of the end,
I knew change was near,
yet it caught me unprepared and unarmed.
My next lesson,
if I am so inclined to choose
is acceptance of life
before I’m 22

You're happy maggie
You taught me a lot 

The forest was our adventure
The daytime was our adventure
I filled your bowls
We fell asleep on each other
We're both afraid of thunderclaps
And you could make me smile
No one can do that

I held you when you were sick today
You looked so sad
And it completely
shattered my heart
And I fell on the pieces of it
I couldn't believe it

I will be with you when you go
It'll be hard but,
Deep breath
Deep
Breath.
Thank You

Today I realised my purpose of being -
I'm aging and waiting for the end of my living.
As each second passes another is lost,
for losing our seconds is our lives given cost.
You'll never feel, never see, never know this again;
this being now - and now - also then:
This is something we know, but ignored for it hurts.
But we can not forget - in memory it lurks.

Wait, no.
If the seconds are cost then what are we buying?
Is there no return that's not hurting or crying?
Have I forgotten the love, the joy in-between?
For each second pain is there not second dream?
I beg for a new eye, a new world to re-live in,
a new place with new laws and new people to believe in.
In this new world I'd be happy and free,
I'd be loved and love, I'd be lucky... not me.

No, I wouldn't be me, not in this world, anyway.
I'd be banished and gone, no new people, no betray.
I've ruined a world, but only the one,
or I've ruined my world, destroyed all the fun.
There's no more sins for me to adore,
they've all been spent leaving brilliant sore.
See I'm aging and waiting, and hurting and crying,
with the seconds I'm spending it must be this that I'm buying.
A blessèd reality, a trap painted gold,
manufactured promises with chances we've sold.
Sold for the seconds that I mentioned before,
the seconds we're spending on that brilliant sore.

*(Oh I really shouldn't think, I think way too much,
I see what this is, the world and the such.
Some people label it, call it depression,
I call it truth, just a big painful lesson.)

After holding a conversation like you hold your liquor,
I realize that I am nothing,
Just an empty silhouette that stands before you,
I write this for my own self-fulfillment,
Break my bones and I will feel the same,
These days I feel like something on a string,
The way you parade me around and call me every name but my own,
I've got a lot of nothing, if I ever had anything.