Living in fear and constant humiliation
Worrying about more than cleaning and organization
The pills are becoming dull
Everything is becoming worse, people becoming more cruel

She prays and prays for the pain to go away
But with tears in her eyes, she can't help but say
" I live in a small box and no one can get in.
How can I help myself when I don't even know where to begin?"

People mock and claim to suffer
but they don't know how much it crushes her
She wants to live in a world where she can be "normal"
but instead she lives where obsessions are forceful

She will over come it, everyone agrees
She will eventually have internal peace
She will be happy, she will never cry herself to sleep again
but for now, she ends her prayers for strength with amen

You are the wave of the ocean and I am the grain of the sand
No matter how hard I try you always pull me back in
You leave me breathless and with weak arms
How am I to breathe when my lungs are filled with you
You take over my body and leave my mind ashore
I am senseless and confused but whole in your arms
You see I'm hopelessly yours and you'll never be mine
For you are the ocean and I am nothing but a drizzle of rain.

We live in a generation where being alike is expected
Where following each others ways and believing each other's God is assumed
Our generation raises us to be perfect people
too bad perfect people don't exist
They raise us to be intelligent and successful
Beautiful and polite
Straight and homophobic
Skinny and athletic
Good with words but never to speak
They raise us with the aspiration of perfection

This generation is so narrow minded and scared of people being themselves
They are scared of being unique
They are scared of letting people live their own lives
They are scared to accept others for who they are
Many fall under the influence of this generation, but I will never
I will be unique
I will never be perfect
I will never be like someone else until the day
*all of our fingerprints are the same

Hold your breathe. Stop there.
**** in. Rely on air.
Don't eat. Watch your weight.
Be quiet. Don't stay up late.
Drink you water. Wash your face.
Shut up. Don't be a disgrace.
Don't smile at him! Do you know who he is?
Like a man who knows where his money is.
Shoulders back. Head up high.
Cross your legs and be polite.
Oh my! You gained a pound, you're going in a diet.
Always read, never write.
Those words you express are never right.
Stop crying. Your makeup is ruined.
Stop now. I can feel the trouble brewing.
Stop being who you are. Be who I said to be.
Why do you insist on messing up? Listen to me!
Thank goodness, you finally gave up.
Don't be you, listen to society!
My dears, these razors are not for wrists but for your legs.
Why would I use them there when I rather be dead?

You walked away
and with every bold step
Every bone is my body screamed don't go

In that instant, I wanted to wrap my arms around you
To keep you safe
To reassure you that I love you
and that you are perfect and graceful and worth my time and worth the fights and worth the nights I cried myself to sleep and worth everything I have ever owned and will ever own

I wanted to feel you hold on to me
as if I'm the only support system you have while being forced into a vortex
But it seems you found the vortex as a place of acceptance
because you left me for that black hole that leads to no where

It hurts because I know I have you in my heart
but I want you in my arms
I want you in my life, but it seems you rather be in space
You rather be blind in a vortex
You rather live among the stars than live in my life
You rather be far away from me
but  I can't blame you

While you are soaring the stars
and dancing in galaxies
Just now while you are trying to obtain the world
**You will always be my universe

Ever since the beginning, I knew that you were different
You stood in a way no one else was capable of
You were fragile and graceful and so clear I could tell everything about you in one glance
But oh you were so beautiful to look at. You shined and glistened and reflected answers towards me with all I could ever ask about
In some ways, you were like glass
If I could drink all of your sorrows away I would
I would take the fears and worries out of your glass body and swallow into mine
I would fill you with what you needed
I would fill you with joy and courage and love for yourself
But while pouring these much needed liquids, you broke
You shattered
You fell
You
are gone
Every day after that I have been forced to explain to everyone about how you broke
and I know that if you were still fragile and shining you would be disappointed in me
In fact, I'm disappointed in myself
I should have emptied myself out like I planned to do with you
and fill myself with those important liquids
I wish I had joy
I wish I had courage
I wished I loved myself
but that is hard to do because I have the memories of the day
*i broke you

You say it so quickly, without any hesitation or realization of the pain you have caused
You say it with all seriousness and so much ignorance
It's as if you have no knowledge of the way that word rolls of your tongue as a rain drop does on a shingle of a house
That one single word gives me chills that begins in my toes and runs through my body like an electric current
The electricity might as well be anger also because that too is surging
Do you have any idea what you are even doing?
You say it with all of your loose minded friends who too suffer from ignorance
People like you make it hard to live in this world
Its people like you that cause sufferers of your ignorance to begin wars
to begin segregation
to feel hated
to feel lost
to feel depression
to end their lives
It is people like you, even the ones sitting in this very rooms, who have caused many people to die
It is people like you who will never truly know what the term "gay" means