I got asked about you today.
I didn't know what to say.
Feet glued to the floor.
Eyes watered up.
Each time I opened my mouth to speak, I chocked on my words.
My lungs no longer knew how to breathe.
I panicked.
Trying not to burst into tears.
I'm asked if I'm okay.
I mumble out, "Yes."
But we all knew that was a lie.
You could see I'm a total wreck.
But who is all to blame?
Myself.

I'm sorry.

Why must one creature be so heaven sent but hell raised?
Such a saint but swears like a sailor? Walks with angels but dances with the devil?
May she rise to the holy land and fall fast to the gates of The ******.
As daylight breaks she is a goody two-shoes,
but by nightfall she is a rebel in the moonlight.
Pure but never pure enough.
Only seeing what she shows, appearing holy but loves to run with demons.
Loved by both she never pays. Beating them at their own game.

I'm drowning.
I'm fighting but I can't breathe.
The water is cold and I am weak.
I just want to sink.
Forgive me.

My mind is stirring.
Keep the bottle pouring.
Intoxication taking over.
Pour a little more.
Sight blurry,
Coordination out the door.  
How many times have I been here before?
Thoughts are heavy,
They won't leave me alone.
Drink,
Until their mouths are closed.
No more voices but your own.
Bottle down,
I'm one the ground.
Why am I here again?
Numb and cold.
No one understands.
Am I alone ?

Truth is, the best go mad.
It's a hell that many dare to not enter, but not many have a choice. Once you visit, there's no turning back. Nothing will appear sane anymore. You're exposed to the horrors many are blind too. Everything you thought you knew, is everything it's not. Your mind has been stretch with the truth. That no one will understand. They will say "You've gone mad." But in reality they are the mad ones. They are the ones that are truly bonkers. Embracing your sanity, isolates you from their madness. Which makes you insane, the one whose gone mad.

Everything comes in waves,
No matter what time of day.
High tide, low tides, all the same. Used to the pounding in my head like a tidal wave,
I drown in the sound of it.
I can't stop the madness that's surrounding it.
It's so hard to explain.
I swim and fight the current but it keeps pulling me under.
I'll continue to drown until the waves calm down and I can breathe again.