can't shake this feeling,
feel like a schoolyard boy again,
unsure of the next step after simply liking you.
i've never felt a want like this.

how can i miss someone i don't even know?
felt nervous for the first time in seven years -
a heart attack away from never being able to love you.
i'll use less tonight if it means seeing you again.

waking from a nightmare into the dream of having you beside me.
i can keep the shades closed because i'll have all the sunshine i need.
i'll keep my heart open because all my love will wake.
what do i have to do to see you every daybreak?

men used to fight wars over women like you.
and i suppose i'd take to arms to hold you in mine.
a.i. generators couldn't better picture 'goddess'.
and maybe... just maybe... they won't better picture 'love'.

we lie in each other's arms -
our only truth in the world.
you comb your hand through my hair...
you lie to me, saying, "everything will be alright,"
and i believe you every time.

i look forward to nothing more
than bear-hugging you low around your waist,
and you tracing the ridges of my back with your lips
while you death-grip my hand in yours.

we'll dine here and there and everywhere,
looking at each other like we're the only two people left in a world no longer cruel.
and you'll constantly remind me,"i am yours and you are mine."
and once again...

once again... everything will be fine.

parted, napsack full of fears.
again, where was 'begun'?
this labyrinth full of mirrors
has twisted all the fun.

i try again to find my way,
instead only i see myself:
a child - no games left to play
a bard - no tales left to tell.

if i scream, an echo's 'round.
nowhere are ears to lend,
wide'ning to my siren sound -
to me, my only friend.

so we grow old, sighed by side,
my voice strangled, wrung.
this carousel, the only ride.
there's nowhere left to run.

This coal I've held too long
Call it the siren's song
My palm grows stronger, calloused
My heart is filled with malice

'To err' is human
To forgive, divine'
To rage is too, then
Too porous, in time

All thoughts lead to violence
Stalled spots read it, silenced

Where does this energy go?
Faired, spuds of a moss that grows.
A virus that leads only in time,
Escaping only heeds of mine.

i'm lost again
trying to recover the pieces of myself
this room brings to remem'brance
i've tried to hide but i've only managed to pelt

all answers lead to nowhere
and i'm somehow worse-for-wear
the questions that got me here
perhaps, i never should have asked

these sides i show to no one
this nakedness - a sin
when there's nowhere left to run
these four walls swallow me within

i can't recall your portrait
but i'll never forget the feelings you inspired

my tornado shelter in the middle of the storm,
keeping me grounded while the sirens scream

my daily PRN for a diagnosis of loneliness,
easing the pressure of life's trials,
bubble-wrapping my heart and mind

my extra blanket in the depth of winter,
giving me warmth when the furnace died...

... died like our love did

melting, as all the parts of me
that make me human
die a slow and torturous death.
"no one is coming to save me."
and somehow,
that has to be okay.