I don't really think when I write. So sorry if my head doesn't make
I don't really think when I write. So sorry if my head doesn't make
Jan 23

Sink or swim.
Time is thin.
Months to go.
I can't breathe in.

In you weave.
Secret steps.
Holding close.
Your deep regrets.

Balls in my court?
That's all you can say.

Boy's games are child's play.

They think they're cunning.
They believe they're smart.
But they fuck with poets.
They play with art.

Girls you see,
We play for keeps.
Russian Roulette.
Close your eyes... go to sleep.

#love   #cheated   #play   #games   #scorpio  
Jan 9

It's always little things that take me back to you.

A lyric in a song.
A shimmer in the snow.
A dark lonely street.
When I have to let someone go.

The darkness of my own hair,
And how it looks against your skin.
The softest of touch,
And elegant curves that reflect your grin.

The sleepless nights in this apartment.
The photos on my wall.
The pain inside my heart.
You're image is in it all.

The journals that I keep.
The drawings I recreate.
The tears that fall.
All the things I hate.

Because of you I'm forced to live.
This new found notion; "I want to be strong."
Even though you're not around to care...
Who would have thought I'd make it this long.

You say you love her,
But you can't seem to remain true.
Please remember..,
I love a lot of people, but I am in love with you.

#love   #depression   #life   #longing  
Dec 22, 2016

Today I saw pity.
Pity in eyes fixed right on me.

The girl that never knew love.
And the oh so perfect, He.

Today I guess was my judgement.
Patient fingers tap awaiting for my repent.
But to Him, I had none...
I feel it's been time well spent.

Little dove are you hurting?
Are you all torn up inside?
This love you keep trying to feel;
Where oh where could it hide?

The tides are changing quickly.
I see you becoming bored.
Every jagged knife stab...
When will a Prince come end it with his sword?

Empty hearts poor out sorrow.
Cracked hearts set the room a flood.
Having both just makes you hollow...
The water runs red with your blood.

Misery loves company.
But look, you're all alone.
Look at how you make them smile,
While your fragile heart turns into stone.

#love   #broken   #depression   #hate   #sadness   #anxiety   #misery  
Dec 9, 2016

December is a cold month.
So cold.
So incomplete.

A time when nature dies,
Along with parts of me.

December is a month of dreary days.
Lit up with lights to mask the pain.

Holiday spirit.
Just an excuse to drink.

Food, family, friends.
It's all just more fuel to think.

I grew up to understand the Grinch.
Whose heart became so small.

And although these lights do warm me,
I want to crush them all.

December is a month of lies and of deceit.
It's not at all about spirit, rather a receipt.

I'd prefer sit alone.
A fireplace and a book.

Than sit along beside others, to have my heart led astray by some crook.

Dec 1, 2016

"Thank you for sleeping next to me."

A notion that I think a lot can't understand.
On the surface I guess I get that.
What it looks like to the outside, I mean.
People never look beyond on that...
They never consider what else could be seen.

So when I utter, "than you"s,
It's not just cordial or routine.
When I say to you, "thank you",
It's because you've reached some place within me.

People all have secrets.
Heartaches and pain.
And sometimes I guess company can keep that hurt at bay.

Though I create situations that will end in sorrow one day,
And though your time isn't compulsory,
I do appreciate when you stay.

I guess I like flawed people,
Because they show me I'm not alone.
Maybe I'm a mistake to you,
But it's not important if somehow we both grow.

I'm not so great with words these days.
Not that it means anything to someone who doesn't know much about me...
But when I wrote you to you today, I guess I felt like rhyming.

Thank you for sleeping next to me.
Because sometimes the night brings a vicious a storm.
And even though this time means nothing,
I greatly appreciate you keeping me warm.

#sad   #depression   #anxiety   #sleep   #insomnia   #warm  
Nov 7, 2016

I think I'm cursed.
Like my mom... I guess it's true.
The way I get lost in all of you.

You seek me out.
The mystery that is me.
My strange coloured eyes.
And the slight curve of my body.

You somehow like the way I look.
But when I speak,
That's the true hook.

You fall for my image.
This broken little girl.
How she seems so miserable,
But makes your heart twirl.

Leads you on adventure.
Makes you misbehave.
You question your morality.
Yet feel more alive than you ever have.

I bring this beautiful destruction to all that fall too close.
They fall in love with nothing.

I can't be held on to.
And no one really wants to.

The only thing that I can promise,
Is an utterly tragic end.

#love   #life   #me   #cursed  
Sep 17, 2016

It gets easier,
Waking up in the morning.
When the thought of you isn't the first thing in my mind.

When work and life become too busy,
I can't think of you because I need to unwind.

It gets easier,
Hearing your name everywhere that I go.
Because for some crazy reason,
Everyone, everywhere,
You know.

It gets easier,
Looking at others someway.
He is cute and kind.
But there are some things I just can't find.

Seeing your face and thinking,
How precious it is to behold.
Some days it's easier,
The others I don't know how much my heart can hold.

But that's the thing with liking you,
A reason that I always knew,
That we can never be,
You and I.

It's gotten easier,
Because I no longer cry.

But still when I think of your hair and lips,
I wish they were under my finger tips.

And I crave once again to see you some place.
Maybe it will get easier,
To stop my heart before it begins to race.

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