to home i head, alone:
i'm down with pretending.

it's been awhile since i've met
a stranger, i forgot protocol.
but i know me, i obsess too easily
over what could be next week
or the week after that
immobile with fear, i tread into
a new unopened door in the
facilities of cohesive consciousness
literally, to my knees i drop
in fear

fear of dipping out of my element
spewing words i should keep to myself.
i dont know you.
i'm a stranger to you.
something sown,
silent seed shaking,
surpassing solid sediment

palatial secret agent moment
lips read off-screen, character
arranged by lifestyle,
slowly fading.
avoided contact verbal ornation
ostented sense of power,
some wit to be attained.
taller than my fist raised,
shorter than conscience
kept thoughts lossless
a human fault portrayed
in flamboyant intricacy.

breathe in fatal.

10/04.
I.
tonight
she finds herself
left behind, choking
on ashes.
the light on the shelf
where her picture used to be
is burning out.
and names left,
here, to fade away.

long ago, the river
found its way to
this house's front door.
one year ago,
a spirit departed
not forgotten.

in swollen memory,
it's girls singing night
thru the halls &echoes;
behind a white door.

(another voice has found its
way into the resonance.
the broken harmonies
provide reassurance
to the stories inside
these walls.)

II.
girl stands in halflit doorway,
singing songs of invention and disbelief--
candles on dim porches,
tired cars,
tired slaves.
inside -- the walls breathe
like accordions
alive with her story.
glory fades into whispers
into silence, into dust.
her heart radio (racing)
playing the same track
repeatedly.
voices underwater,
steady (harnessed) scent
of black roses.
don't tempt me, the
silence.
o sunstruck night, beaten.
"it's here, follow."
do you follow?

i.
unfiltered asiatic plaything seeks
hypoactive cradle technocrat
evicting meaningful poach,
mendacious transcripts of
past events found in his
memoryless playhouse.
poplar crowd scribbles observations
outbound punch of laughter
sighs to the scrambled, ethnic
postgrad nation.
microfiche telegram exploits
meaning to deeper courtesies
current surrendered upon
entry.

ii.
psychotropic sustenance
fizz thru ***** vein corridor
secret mission lifestyle
learning fast in enormous packs of
tiny lies.
spew logic chagrin mediated
bloodstain; cerebus twitching
outside of beingself.

iii.
heart ceases,
sacred whitepaint moans.
o infidel,
strike thrice; a chord
binding us- nasty, *****
beads bleeding rich.
cloaked bushes tasting,
hisses cured human oaks;
tapered horns that sob,
casting waved heels.

iv.
dawn fallen, only concrete
possible now. separated by
thousands of what is not,
shocks disintricate; undwindling
patriots mailing lessness,
laughter sounds fetching
offband pitch.

these are the veils
that cover our tracks
and the stories we told
are lining our backs
tolling, reeling,
better than ever before
he's leaving, refuted,
too cold for the shallow
shelter inside.

now, carbon makes steel
and the plains you meet
melt for the pillars of
the darkness that sounds
the placing of dreams on
the shelf

you blanket your stares
with your eyes, sockets contained
in your lies, protecting your
fears, committed,
the drastic pulse on the
tip of your star.

we talked silently
& without repose
under the blood red sun
of our sunken desire
my eroding heart
beating with each breath.

& laughter - falling out of love
& time

i clench every word in my mouth
red and seething
down my face

i can't find an excuse

breaking the silence
of the hyacinthic beauty
its pristine value charged
and buzzing at my
hip

i could use the stars as a shield
and mask myself as a victim of the night
and hold this silent breath
aching to impose this fleeting cloud.

i try to rearrange the pieces
in this vast array of secrets
swimming like beams of wonder
through my shades of grey.

i break the liquid skin of the firmament
with touch of my narrow hands.
it paints the fertile landscape black
as i fasten myself with orion's belt.