It’s been since October,
Since I’ve last heard from you
The cold wind blows,
I hear you calling my name.
The ghost of you following me
Everywhere I go.
The sun comes alive,
Giving me hope
That in the end,
Life isn’t so bad
I may fall.
I may have my moments,
When I feel like a loser.
...Deep down inside
I know that’s not true.
My life has a purpose,
This I know.
This purpose I’ve yet to find,
But it’s still a long way down
The road less traveled.
All I ask, is that you
walk with me
And stay by my side
Be my guardian angel,
Be my compass.
Guide me in the right direction,
because I don’t know
which way to go.
I’ve been lost for so long,
It’s time I step out of the shadows,
It’s time I live my life.
We only have so long left to go,
Let’s cherish each and every moment,
And live our lives to the fullest.
There are days,
When you feel like you're not enough
Days where you,
Wish you weren't here at all.
You see everything around you change,
And it seems like you're stuck in the dark.
You put on a facade,
To hide that deep down
You're breaking into
A million little pieces
You wish there was a light
At the end of the tunnel
Wish there was a way
And I wish there was a way
That you could be convinced
That in the end,
It will all be alright.
At some point in our lives,
We just have to take a step back
And allow ourselves
To break apart
Reconstruct and begin
To find the walls to put us back together
Never hiding, but never staying in our shelter.
Just take my hand,
We'll make it through this together.
I don't know what hell you've been through,
I'm not sure how many days,
You've endured loneliness and neglect
You could have reached out.
Instead you decided
Living was just a game,
And completely took everyone by storm
And I'm not sure why
You took your own life
I'll question it 'til the end of time.
You've had so much going for you
But in your eyes, there was nothing left to live for
Why you couldn't speak up,
Before it was too late...
Why you didn't tell anyone,
And only gave us a short moment's notice
Before you pulled that trigger
How was it logical,
For you to think
You'll leave this world today?
...Now all we have,
Is memories and the image of
What we once knew how you used to be
...And not the true form you revealed ever so quickly.
Glance behind you,
What you may see may disturb you.
What you once were
isn't what you are now.
It's not the physical appearance; the way you dress
Not the tone of your voice,
the change in your character –
But the change in your demeanor
You've developed from a carefree soul
to a figure you never imagine yourself being
The lines on your face,
developed from years of hardship;
days in which you endured, prevailed
fell back down, got back up again
Weeks in which you worked day to day,
Just to make ends meet. Months in which
You struggled to keep up on your feet.
Your past self imagined this would be
The equivalent of a cold, dark world.
In every way, you see it's worth it.
Worth each waking morning.
This may not be what you wished for
When you were younger...
...It's all a part of living life.
We eat, we drink, we live, we die.
Pay our debts in order to survive.
We have to live through hardships,
In order to make it throughout life.
We’ve traveled for a long while now,
And I don’t regret each moment...
Spent together with you.
All we have is each other these days,
And to be honest, I’m perfectly OK with that
Who am I without you?
(Who are you without me?)
You helped a fragile heart,
Unlocked it from a keepsake treasure box
Kept it living, kept it breathing
Kept it pumping, kept it bleeding
You helped push me forward when I was too scared to move.
You gave me courage,
You gave me strength
Something I could never feign
Look at me,
A hundred miles away
From home, from friends
From family and loved ones alike
You say it’s a big jump.
While I agree; I’m willing to take the risks
What’s life without boundaries?
However, I’ll be the first to admit: It’s not easy.
I will miss them dearly.
I know they’ll be in my heart,
As I will be in theirs.
But I need to move on with my life.
I need to take that final leap of faith
And let love guide the way to a better life
Two years forward,
Life continues to move on.
I take steps to avoid,
Going back to the hell
I once put myself in.
I remember telling you,
"Please forgive me if I forget you right now."
I took a precautionary measure,
In order to save myself from demise.
I was so fragile back then.
Any memory of you,
Made me feel like I,
I was the cause of your death.
I blamed myself for every little thing.
I wasn't there when I should've been.
...When I was mourning your loss,
They told me to stop being hard on myself.
"You did nothing wrong.", they would assure me.
In a way, they were right.
However I can't stop but think,
That the smallest gestures
Would have made the biggest impact,
And you'd be here tonight.
Maybe you would be alive to this day.
But reality sank in. I realized...
There was nothing I could do,
To save your life.
Moving on seemed like the only option.
As hard as it was to admit, I had to let go.
There was no way I could bring you back into this world.
I had to face tomorrow like it was another day...
Another day gone by without seeing you smile,
Another day gone without hearing your voice.
Another day gone by, and I had no choice
but to move on without you by my side.
When you’re too afraid to speak up,
Too scared to reveal the hidden
Emotions that haunt you day to day --
That’s when you know,
you know you’ve got to do something quick.
You’ve kept it all in for too long,
Abuse, neglect, torture and regret.
You’ve got a long life ahead of you,
But in your eyes, it seems you’ve reached the end.
The scars on your wrist,
the blood on your hands,
the tears in your eyes -- they all tell a story.
I can tell how much you’ve been through on the outside.
On the inside, I can’t help but only imagine
if you’re actually holding back the true motive.
I can tell that you long to die.
Before you decide to make that step,
I want you to close your eyes and imagine a world without you.
Imagine all the people who truly care about you.
What will happen if you decided to take your life?
Think about the people who love you.
Your friends, even relatives who seem not to care.
In the end, they’ll all feel the pain.
Your friends wouldn’t be the same,
Some would become distant.
Your family would be mourning the loss,
Especially the ones closest to you.
They’ll all change.
Not for the better,
But for the worst.
You can roll your eyes all you want.
I know I’m getting through you.
I know, deep inside, you’re listening to what I have to say.
My point is...
Despite all the bullying,
despite all the harassment,
despite the beatings...
You have people that care about you.
Put yourself in their shoes.
What would they do without you?