I don't know what hell you've been through,
I'm not sure how many days,
You've endured loneliness and neglect
You could have reached out.
Instead you decided
Living was just a game,
And completely took everyone by storm
And I'm not sure why
You took your own life
I'll question it 'til the end of time.
You've had so much going for you
But in your eyes, there was nothing left to live for
Why you couldn't speak up,
Before it was too late...
Why you didn't tell anyone,
And only gave us a short moment's notice
Before you pulled that trigger
How was it logical,
For you to think
You'll leave this world today?
...Now all we have,
Is memories and the image of
What we once knew how you used to be
...And not the true form you revealed ever so quickly.
Glance behind you,
What you may see may disturb you.
What you once were
isn't what you are now.
It's not the physical appearance; the way you dress
Not the tone of your voice,
the change in your character –
But the change in your demeanor
You've developed from a carefree soul
to a figure you never imagine yourself being
The lines on your face,
developed from years of hardship;
days in which you endured, prevailed
fell back down, got back up again
Weeks in which you worked day to day,
Just to make ends meet. Months in which
You struggled to keep up on your feet.
Your past self imagined this would be
The equivalent of a cold, dark world.
In every way, you see it's worth it.
Worth each waking morning.
This may not be what you wished for
When you were younger...
...It's all a part of living life.
We eat, we drink, we live, we die.
Pay our debts in order to survive.
We have to live through hardships,
In order to make it throughout life.
We’ve traveled for a long while now,
And I don’t regret each moment...
Spent together with you.
All we have is each other these days,
And to be honest, I’m perfectly OK with that
Who am I without you?
(Who are you without me?)
You helped a fragile heart,
Unlocked it from a keepsake treasure box
Kept it living, kept it breathing
Kept it pumping, kept it bleeding
You helped push me forward when I was too scared to move.
You gave me courage,
You gave me strength
Something I could never feign
Look at me,
A hundred miles away
From home, from friends
From family and loved ones alike
You say it’s a big jump.
While I agree; I’m willing to take the risks
What’s life without boundaries?
However, I’ll be the first to admit: It’s not easy.
I will miss them dearly.
I know they’ll be in my heart,
As I will be in theirs.
But I need to move on with my life.
I need to take that final leap of faith
And let love guide the way to a better life
Two years forward,
Life continues to move on.
I take steps to avoid,
Going back to the hell
I once put myself in.
I remember telling you,
"Please forgive me if I forget you right now."
I took a precautionary measure,
In order to save myself from demise.
I was so fragile back then.
Any memory of you,
Made me feel like I,
I was the cause of your death.
I blamed myself for every little thing.
I wasn't there when I should've been.
...When I was mourning your loss,
They told me to stop being hard on myself.
"You did nothing wrong.", they would assure me.
In a way, they were right.
However I can't stop but think,
That the smallest gestures
Would have made the biggest impact,
And you'd be here tonight.
Maybe you would be alive to this day.
But reality sank in. I realized...
There was nothing I could do,
To save your life.
Moving on seemed like the only option.
As hard as it was to admit, I had to let go.
There was no way I could bring you back into this world.
I had to face tomorrow like it was another day...
Another day gone by without seeing you smile,
Another day gone without hearing your voice.
Another day gone by, and I had no choice
but to move on without you by my side.
When you’re too afraid to speak up,
Too scared to reveal the hidden
Emotions that haunt you day to day --
That’s when you know,
you know you’ve got to do something quick.
You’ve kept it all in for too long,
Abuse, neglect, torture and regret.
You’ve got a long life ahead of you,
But in your eyes, it seems you’ve reached the end.
The scars on your wrist,
the blood on your hands,
the tears in your eyes -- they all tell a story.
I can tell how much you’ve been through on the outside.
On the inside, I can’t help but only imagine
if you’re actually holding back the true motive.
I can tell that you long to die.
Before you decide to make that step,
I want you to close your eyes and imagine a world without you.
Imagine all the people who truly care about you.
What will happen if you decided to take your life?
Think about the people who love you.
Your friends, even relatives who seem not to care.
In the end, they’ll all feel the pain.
Your friends wouldn’t be the same,
Some would become distant.
Your family would be mourning the loss,
Especially the ones closest to you.
They’ll all change.
Not for the better,
But for the worst.
You can roll your eyes all you want.
I know I’m getting through you.
I know, deep inside, you’re listening to what I have to say.
My point is...
Despite all the bullying,
despite all the harassment,
despite the beatings...
You have people that care about you.
Put yourself in their shoes.
What would they do without you?
I once told myself
I'm content with being alone.
I told them I was fine,
I told them I was OK –
And to be honest, I was.
But just this once, I decided to take the leap.
Whereas it originally started out as casual fun,
we enjoyed each other's company for the night
Until one of us had to eventually leave.
As the days went by, conversations increased by ten-fold.
One thing led to another, and the weeks after I called you mine.
It was a surprise how being apart drew us closer together.
As the saying goes, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.”
I'll admit we moved,
moved a little too fast.
To be honest,
I didn't mind the change of pace.
I didn't mind it at all.
I've never been this happy in years.
I don't want this feeling to fade away.
This sudden swarm of emotion,
Taking over my pride, albeit much to my delight
I didn't mind surrendering myself to you.
I'd like to think of it as this:
I am the sky, and you are the sun
that shined light upon my heart
And made me whole.
In terms of what the future holds,
I know we have all the time on earth.
We can move fast, or we can take it slow.
As long as you're by my side,
I'll be ready for whatever it may be.
I'm not just in for the thrill, I'm in for the ride.
I promise you I'll never leave your side.
Carrying on through the fog without worry
That a foe might be lurking nearby,
You have no time to focus on what's around you
You're just trying to get by
You got 911 on speed dial,
But you're not their telephone girl.
You're a tough one, I'll give you that.
You are confident that you can do this on your own,
You know your fate if you lose your guard. I say you should've
taken the bus, should've taken a cable car,
Now you're at risk with the impending attack upon the road.
I've warned you that a killer is on the loose,
I've stressed enough that going out alone is dangerous.
Did you listen? God knows you didn't listen, god knows you didn't care.
Even with news broad-casted the man's face,
You were the least bit worried when he crossed paths with you.
“Oh he's no threat, I can handle it.”, you say to me as we part ways from the pub.
“No need to worry, I'll be fine.”
Are you fine now? Rewind to the point of events,
He's got a gun in his hands.
You're the least bit amused,
figuring you can pull your own weapon out just as fast.
You think he's searching for money.
No big deal, you'll just hand him that.
He'll make his way back home,
Laughing all the way to the bank.
And you'll steadily, but quickly, make your way to your own without complaint.
Sadly, you were wrong.
He wanted more.
He wanted you.
Your thought process must've been going off the charts,
When you realized he wanted you sexually.
You tried to fight it,
You tried to scream for help, but it was too late.
A slash at the throat and one at the heart did you in.
The disgrace of a human carried his deed and buried your remains,
In an unmarked, shallow grave.
When news broke the next morning, I was bracing for the worst.
Unfortunately, that missing person turned to be you.
A search crew was sent to find you,
And it took days to spot what's left.
Rumors shortly flooded the town.
It was confirmed you're the one the killer took down.
Fast-forward to now,
A closed-casket funeral
Visitation limited to family and friends,
and a few close and personal – I sit nearby shaking my head.
I sit there fighting back tears,
Fighting back rage, fighting back sadness
Fighting back denial, fighting back acceptance.
No this can't be happening, no you can't be dead.
You're not really in there are you? Tell me you made it alive. (Tell me you've made it alive.)
I'm speaking silent words, but god knows you can't hear me now.
God knows you can't hear a sound.
You're up there in heaven,
Looking down on me. And I'm down on earth,
Looking up to you. Hoping for a sign, hoping for a miracle, hoping for a sign of life.
Hoping you'll come back alive.
But you remain lifeless.
So I remain in my seat, questioning, wondering when….
When will I ever get to see my sweet, beautiful angel again?