I want to have courage and confidence in our marriage,
That no matter what happens, you will be there,
Beside me.

You are not the one that has made me doubt.
I've gathered the doubt from
Countless places
And years of experience.
Like mineral deposits, it will take time purge,
To chip away at the worries and anxieties.

I'm glad we've started that clean up.

I want to feel Freedom
Of always knowing you have my heart,
That your hands treasure that gift and
Keep it close.
That you will not push me away.

I want to able to take you for granted,
But to never choose to do so.
I want you to know how closely I hold you in my heart,
That I will never let you go.
I love you.
I love being your snuggle bug,
Your lover,
Your wife.
It still feels like a dream, being in my shoes,
The greatest dream I have ever dreamt.

Thank you for not fading,
For not drifting away when I wake.
I want that continued courage and confidence
That you will always be there
As you promised you would.

Forever.

I am scared to ask.

Patience, waiting.
That is what I have learned in this trial.
The need for constant guidance.
I try to learn more of how to reach out,
Reach up!
Feeling the pain,
Agony,
Bring me to my knees.
I receive strength from Thee.
But receiving the answer I am searching for,
Waiting for,
Praying for...

Feels like too much at the moment.

How do I develop that Kind of Faith?
Sometimes I feel I have the faith of Peter,
Thinking that I can walk on the stormy sea.
Then why,
Why!
Is the answer that I want,
The answer I need,
Too hard to ask for?
I sink down into the water.
To be healed, like
The blind man,
The *****,
The woman, with an issue of blood for twelve years,
I've only waited two so far.
Will I need to wait ten more? Or greater?

I have faith that I can be healed by Thee.
But I am scared of reaching out and touching the robe of my Savior.

Maybe...
Maybe...
maybe...
I should start by praying for the courage to
ask for an answer.
For then I will have strength enough to
Ask for the answer He has for me.

Things are better now.
My other half, my dear,
When you stay, when you hear,
I know you are with me.

I'm scared.
I don't want either of us to leave,
I would fall apart
Because I am in love with you. Forever.

I will stay here with you
As long as I am allowed to linger.
Hold me closer,
Hold me tighter,

The way that you cherish me.

Smiling has never been easier because I can remember how it feels to be in your arms.
And I know you are like me:
You want to have this love forever.
I am found. :)

I am the red rose on the counter
slowly wilting, rotting away.
The life inside me is vanishing,
Drifting away,
Lukewarm.
Is this depression that I'm slipping into?

My dear Faithful Husband
I hope you know
My goal is to never take you for granted
I cherish you always
I love your scent and your smile
You make me happy
Your arms keep me warm and safe
Protected when you are near
I love you my darling dearest
With every breath I take and beyond

Just another day.

Weeks have gone by with me in this funk.
Don't know what I'm doing.
Don't know where I'm going wrong.
Waking up is worse than falling asleep.
Nightmares next to my patient husband.
Drained more than I started with.
Cannot remember what went on.
Days and days, just another day.

Just another.

Just...